02 December 2013

Revisiting . . .wanting.

This weekend I've had reason to revisit some of my old "writings" that are posted here on my blog.  It is a strange thing, revisiting things that I have written sometimes over 2 years ago.

And yet, reading them, transports me back to the moment I wrote them, the feelings that I had, the emotions that flooded me.  But more so, they have taken me back to that moment in time . . .transporting me back to that place.

That moment.

That reality. 

A mixture of emotions come from revisiting.  Not in a negative way, because as in the words of Amber Decker "never regret something that once made you smile". And I don't. I don't do regrets.

But, even reminiscing with a time that may have been difficult. Where all was not good or a time that may have brought difficult times and moments to life, I do not regret.

And yet, they aren't such a distant memory.

Not really.

There are some things that the passing of time does not take away.  There are some things that simply do not fade with the passing of time.

Instead they feel as if they were just yesterday.  They have been brought alive from my own words, my own reflections that I've written about those moments.  And wow. Just wow.

It is a strange thing to feel so much further on.  I do not read my writings. I simply write them, let them flow from the mind and the depths from which they come and let them go.  I don't have a need normally to revisit them. I don't particularly have a desire to revisit.   

That is until now. Until I had reason to. Until I wanted to.

Flooded with feelings, with emotions, flooded with the intensity of the arousal, the connection, the bond, the pain.  A depth of a memory which comes alive, which is felt deep within.  I feel it just as intensely as I did back then.  Just as I did at the moment in time.  Just as I did in that moment shared.

But revisiting those moments, makes me realise just how much there are things that I miss.  They make me realise of just how much I'd like to find that again, to explore with someone new, to share those feelings, those emotions, those moments.  Things that maybe new for that person, things that would certainly be new for "us". 


I miss that.

I miss that "us". 

Not missing anyone in particular as I don't nor would I want to revisit an "us" from the past.  And I do not want to do so at all.

But I miss there being an "us". I miss there being a you and me. I miss those emotions and feelings that come within the power exchange. I miss the fulfillment that comes from such depths of submission and my domination.  I miss the "top space".  I miss creating the "sub space".  I miss the shared moments of intimacy, of emotion, of love.  I miss the "beast" being released from it's inner cage.  I miss the closeness and depths that come from the beauty of one's submission.  I miss the energy and inspiration that comes from my own dominant needs. 

And I miss it.

And I want it.

But more so I need it.  And even though I've always known that.

I have come to realise just how much I do. 

I think of you

I think of you and wonder how you moan during sex.

I think of you and wonder how much you will cry out as you take my pain.

I think of you and wonder how you sound when you whimper and beg. 

I think of you and wonder how your eyes will look with a tear gently falling from the corner as you look at me and plead.

I think of you and how your face will light up with a smile.

I think of you and wonder how you taste.

I think of you and wonder.

I think of you and want.

I think of you and need.

I think of you.