10 November 2010

My thoughts on chastity and denial . . .

There is something about denying a man the chance to orgasm, of taking control over what is for most, a basic action, desire and "need", except, I like to have control of that, for me it is an essential part of not only the D/s dynamic but also of the FLR.

For many people taking control of someone in this way creates a sexual desire within them, that they do it as part of "play" in tease and denial, but for me, it is much more than that, it meets and fulfils needs way beyond anything sexual.  It is not the "sexual" reasons which make me decide to deny someone an orgasm or to place them into a chastity device.  It is the control, of having control of him, of his body, of his cock, of saying when he may or may not orgasm, denying him even when he may beg ~ that isn't a sexual fulfilment for me, it is one which fulfils my need and want for power, for control.  Saying no to someone however much they may beg is an incredibly powerful thing, and by being in chastity, he hands that control and that power to me.  It is never something I could or would want to refuse to have.

I do not place my sub in chastity for him, I do it for myself so that I can witness the psychological changes he goes through in his denial, it is the way that he feels, the building frustration that appeals.  It is watching how he becomes more focussed on me, on my needs, in seeing how he becomes more attentive to making sure those needs are met.  That I get MY sexual pleasure before he gets his, if he gets it at all!  He is then giving more selflessly, because his focus isn't on his own pleasure, it is on mine.  Having someone that attentive is a wonderful thing, to have someone place his focus on you, to attend to your needs is a wonderful feeling, seeing how he becomes more compliant in other areas, even less argumentative, and becomes more subserviant in his feelings and approach, becoming more open to control in other areas   . . .all of this deepening the bond and the dynamic on so many levels. 

It is of course, something that also fulfils my sadistic needs, to see him suffer as he is aroused whilst wearing a device, knowing that it can cause such discomfort and pain, to watch him beg for release only to be denied, watching his face burn from the humiliation of crying out as the device limits his erection.  I like the fact that placing my sub in chastity has such an impact upon his behaviour, so much of which is ruled by his sex drive, except when in chastity it is controlled by me!

Chastity for me, isn't about long term denial of orgasms, for that would be in my eyes celibacy. I do not want a celibate sub, I want one who focusses on my needs and meeting them, and I want control over his body, his cock and his orgasms.  I don't want him never to have them, I want to decide when he will, or if he will. Denying him for longer if he displeases or just because I can.  I like to see how far I can stretch him, how far I can push him for, teasing and denying, keep him simmering like a saucepan on a low heat, knowing that if I ask that he edge that it raises his interest, his drive and his longing, but still the decision of the orgasm is mine to make. 

I like the aspects of tease and denial within chastity itself, I have control of his orgasms, I have control of his sex, he has given that control up. If I decide to shut him down, ignore him, that is my choice, but, I like to tease him, to keep him aroused, for his body to be in such a high state of arousal that it is a focus of his  mind, and again, this meets my need for control way way before it touches on touching any sexual needs of my own.

Even hearing the details when I have given orders to edge, knowing what the sub has done, doesn't overtly turn me on. Yes of course it makes me wet, because such control is hot! Damn fucking hot at times, but, I like to remind him of his predicament, I like him to know if he came close to begin granted release and if it was taken away for any reason.  I like having that control to do that, that it is my decision, that I make the rules and they are MY rules.

If I grant him the permission to orgasm, it will be on my terms, when I say, how I say, I am in control, not him, if I want him to masturbate and then ruin the orgasm so that he dribbles and builds the frustration he may feel inside I will . . .because I can, because it is my decision, my cock and my rules!

All of that time he has been denied, only to be granted and for it to be ruined.  Does that make me a bitch? Maybe it does, but I do it because I want to, because it is my choice and because that is what I want . . .but do not get me wrong.  My sub being in chastity isn't about solely my needs, it is about his also, the fact that he wants to be controlled, that he wants to give up that control to another, and even in being denied it meets the needs that he may have.  Some may not be able to understand that being in chastity actually increases the levels of intimacy within the relationship not taking away from it, that he sacrifices his orgasm and defers to my control  because he craves the opportunity to serve, to please, to be attentive, to love her selflessly, and not knowing whether an orgasm will be granted, of not expecting it, he does it selflessly, he pleases his Domme first and foremost without really knowing what pleasure or release may come his way.  He cna show his devotion, his love and not just that he is after his own sexual needs being met. 

Teasing is a reward not a right, being given the chance to edge is a reward not a right, being given permission to orgasm is a priviledge that will be granted on my terms, when I want and in ways that I determine.  Now how can that level of control be anything BUT hot?

Alive and "living"

There is something about this time of year, the crisp frosty mornings, the chilly afternoons with a perfectly blue sky and a fading sun low in the sky, causing long shadows to draw themselves out over the grass.  It was while noticing these shadows, and the lack of leaves on the trees today while walking the dogs, that it  made me think of where the time passes, that the end of another year approaches and then it is hard to believe where the time has gone.  I mean, WTF?! what happened to the previous 10 months of the year, when did the growth of the spring pass into the warmth of the summer, and why did that warmth fade so quickly into the chilliness of the autumn months, where the leaves fall from the trees and the darkness creep into the early evenings so much earlier than it ever seems to have before . . .

And then you wonder what have you been doing during the changing times?  How have you been living . . .

And then, I realise that it hasn't been a case of "living" and that in so many ways, it has been a case of existing, of getting through . . .and ever since the loss of my Mum I realise that is exactly how it has been . . .existing but not really living, and you realise even more so that the part within you that makes you feel alive has been dormant for all of that time as well . . .

And then suddenly, there is something within you that you begin to feel  . . .that it comes out of nowhere, unexpectedly and it begins to make you feel that inner part that is "you" . . .it is ME, and I feel it and I know that the need is and always has been there, that even tho dormant it is still very much a part of me, because it is me, it is the way I am, the way I need and want to live and that the depths of D/s, the dynamics of an FLR are what I need to "live", they are what balances me, they are what completes me .  ..but more so, they are what makes me feel alive.

And it is like springtime, when a new shoot peeps through the hardened ground, and it begins to shoot into life, into being, into existence . . .and that is how I am feeling right now, even with the darkening autumn days, that there is something which has pierced the hardened ground, the hardened shell which has been well and truly around me for well over 20 months now.  And I feel it . . .and with each passing day I am feeling it more . . .and it makes me feel alive, because it is what I need to live.

And I know that I haven't been "living" . . .maybe it is that time to start again, maybe the shoot through the hardened ground has happened with me . . the need is there, the want is there, the desire is there . . .and now quite surprisingly . . .the person to make it happen is potentially there too . . .

Maybe it is time to start living . . .

So as the sun goes down on a beautiful autumn afternoon, that while the shadows maybe lengthening with the autumn sun, that they are in fact lifting, that the darkness is moving into light . . .that the dormant becomes alive . . .

It lingers still . . .

It is hard to believe that it is over 18 months ago. When, as our day was ending here that I lost someone so very dear to me.  And that every part of me broke into a million pieces, each with edges so sharp and raw that it felt like someone was cutting deep through my skin every minute of the day.  The pain that comes is one that can change so many things in life, and you suddenly realise that things, people you always thought would be there, somehow suddenly aren't.  That no-one or anything lasts forever, they only last a lifetime and then that lifetime can be all too short.

It makes you realise of the things that can be replaced in life, it makes you realise that developing attachment to other things . . .to other people even, opens your heart to those same feelings of pain and of loss.  It is therefore, only natural to take a step back, away from the possibility of any pain, or any loss.  There are lots of things that I love and have felt love for, and apart from those who have been a part of my life for so long, I have been hesitant in developing an attachment to things, to anything that can, be taken from you.

When someone is taken from you, so cruelly, without warning, without time, it makes you stop! take check of your life.  Just for me that stopping and taking check has gone on for many months, I know I'm still there, still hesitant in taking the steps forward out of what has felt that comfortable place, the one without chance of those million jagged edges piercing the skin and the heart.

Whether we be Dominant or submissive, first and foremost we are human, and we hurt, we feel the depths of loss and pain, being a Dominant, even sadistic Bitch, doesn't mean we don't have the same feelings, that we may be hard and harsh, but that sense of loss can still wipe the floor with us, it can still knock us from our feet.  It certainly knocked me off mine, and the hesitancy in wanting to stand fully back up on them has for me, most certainly been there.

I don't think we can ever be prepared for how something may hit us, the speed and the force that it can take our world and turn it upside down.  And then after, we find that our hesitancy to attach becomes stronger, and that we find ourselves avoiding attachment to things, anything that can be taken away. But then we also find, that we become attached to things that hold such sentimental feelings, and that when those things go, it hurts all over again. It bothers us, it bothers me!

The hesitancy to "attach" lingers. I know that it may for some time, but, I also know the needs that exist within me linger still also, they linger, they burn, they are felt.  And the hesitancy does battle, and the need does battle, and the feelings they linger still.

I want

I  want you kneeling before me so I can look into your eyes, I want to grab a fistful of your hair as I pull you closer to me, the fear in your eyes as you are uncertain what is to follow. I want to see you plead with your eyes, begging me without words, the pleading, longing looks. I want to hear your nervous laugh when I make a suggestion about doing something to you, followed by the change in your face as you realise that I am not joking. I want to leash you to my bed so that you are there when I awake, your kneeling beside the bed, reaching in to gently awaken me from my sleep. I want to use your mouth, to save me getting up to use the toilet, tilting your head back so as not to spill any drop that comes from me, watching you gag and choke the tears forming in your eyes as you don’t know how much more you can take. I want to feel you hug my legs as you sit beside me while I am on the sofa, leaning your head against my legs as I reach down to stroke your hair while I read or watch TV. I want to wait for you to go to sleep so I can awaken you to get me something that I could so easily have gotten myself, just because I can. I want you in chastity, the device making your heavily laden balls begging for release yet watching you suffer as I torture them even more. I want to watch your face as I twist them, squeeze them, making you suffer the pain that it creates, waiting for you to beg for a release that may or may not come. And if it does, I want you to be grateful for every time it may be granted, thanking me, yet knowing that you have earned that release through my torture of you. I want you to never know whether that release will ever be granted. I want to feel your tongue as you anally worship me, ordering you to extend your tongue deep into the depths of me. I want to make you bend down and kiss my feet in the supermarket when you accidentally step on my toe, watching the internal battles in your mind. I want to lie you on your back in the shower as I piss all over you, marking you as mine, and then make you stay like that while I shower myself clean, your lying in the dirty used water. I want to use you just because I can, not worrying about whether you liked it or not, but just because I did and because I can because you are mine to use. I want to hurt you to see if the pain that you take will be enough to make you cum. I want to drag my nails down the length of your back, watching you flinch as the skin begins to break and sting, you daring not to scream or to say it hurts knowing that I will do it even harder. I want to fill your arse with the biggest plug it will take so that you walk in a funny way, so I can smile and laugh as you walk away from me fearing its going to fall out knowing you will be punished if it does. I want you to kneel beside me as I eat dinner, you waiting for any food that I may think of giving you, feeding you from my fingers, scraping the scraps into a bowl that I place before you to eat. I want to force your mouth onto another mans cock, taking him deep into your mouth, knowing that this is so hard for you and yet you do this to please me. I want to see how much taking his cum into your mouth makes you gag and heave, yet knowing that you do this for me even though its far from what you want. I want to place my hands around your neck to see the fear in your eyes as you realise that I control the most basic of things in your ability to breath. I want to hurt you and torture you making you cry out, making you cry big fat tears and wipe them away as they fall down your reddened cheeks. I want to see you beg for release and just as you are about to cum to stop you, watching the desperation in your face knowing that you will not be able to stop however much you want to along with the panic in your eyes as you desperately fight it, knowing that if you don’t stop you will be punished. I want to sit on the sofa while on the phone, feeling your tongue against my clit not taking any notice of what you are doing. I want to be with you when you are busy, distracting you, seeing how far I can push you and then ask you why you haven’t gotten anything done. I want to see your face when you have done something wrong, I want to see just how sorry you are and how you show that to me, I want to hurt you until you cry and cannot take anymore. I want you to ask permission to get into bed beside me and then see your face when I order you to sleep on the floor. I want to place you in a cage, poke and prod you, tease your body, and then hear you desperately ask to be let out except then leave you alone. I want to see the drops of hot wax fall over your hard cock and tender balls and hear you scream as it touches them. I want to gag you tightly and watch your eyes drift as it sends you into that space in your mind, seeing how humiliated you feel as you sound so stupid when you mumble and dribble like a baby. I want to hold you, nurse you, hear your heart beating as its close to mine. I want to see how you dare to say “No”, and your reaction as you see the look on my face at hearing the word. I want you to kneel before me and masturbate until you come, as I make you lick your hands clean and then make you go on all fours with your head touching the floor while I crop your tender parts. I want you collared and leashed and attached to my chair while I work, so I can stroke your head every so often while you stroke and tend to my feet and legs and other parts that you may be given permission to touch. I want you to worship me all over listening and learning how I want to be touched even knowing that you may never be touched in return. I want us to go out for dinner where you will await to be told when you can sit, where I will order something that you hate to eat but then watch you as you do it, watching the reaction of you heave over something you dislike so much yet daring not to complain. I want to feel you close to me, kneeling before me, knowing that as I look into your eyes I see how much you trust me, how much you need to serve, knowing how much you please me and how much I cherish you. I want to hear you scream and sigh, to hear you cry and whimper, I want to hear you beg and plead, I want to hear you say thank you. I want to feel your body when you’re scared, as it shivers with fear yet excitement, watching you as your body betrays the arousal that you try to hide. I want to take you to a high, and hold you in a low. I want to see as you drift into that most wonderful place with the depth of your submission, knowing that you give that to me. I want to feel your devotion in everything that you do, with your knowing that you are loved for all that you are.

I want . . .

I want this . . .

I want it all . . .

I want everything . . .

I want more.

[written by top_kat November 2008]

The Garden ~ a story

The warmth of the sun slowly took away the coldness that she felt, she closed her eyes, turning her face to look towards the sun, soaking in its warmth. She breathed deeply, the smell of the flowers around her filled her nostrils, gently moving her head from side to side, she slowly began to relieve the stresses of the day. She reaches behind her, letting her hair loose from the clip that had kept it in place all day, and as it falls about her shoulders, it causes her to shiver as it tickles the back of her neck.  Something so gentle, yet stirs such feelings of arousal.  The scent of the air, the warmth of the sun, her mind begins to drift, as she listens to the quietness of her surroundings. A bird singing in the distance, the sound of the water trickling over the stream at the end of the garden.   She wishes she had gone into the house to get changed before coming out here, the silk stockings and the black suspender belt, the matching bra underneath the blouse that she had worn.  She leant back, kicked off her heeled shoes, feeling the coldness of the slightly damp grass beneath her feet, as her toes relaxed after being in the confines of the shoes, the coldness spreading between her toes, the dampness chilled further by the gentle breeze makes her skin become alive as she shivers gently, she loves the feel of being exposed outside, of being able to draw in all of her surroundings, of soaking up everything with all of her senses coming alive.

Slowly, she ran her hands through her hair, the gentleness of it causing her to shiver her body becoming aroused at her own touch, the shivers running down her back to the place between her legs which began to throb with the sensations surging through her body.  She reached down, knowing that no-one could see her, and felt between her legs, her own touch feeling the wetness that had begun to seep out from her soft and shaven sex, she moaned softly, a gasp of breath and she drifted as she circled her hardening clitoris with the tip of her neatly manicured nail.  Her thoughts running wildly through her head, she was secluded, yet it felt that she was not alone, this instant feeling of uneasiness crowded her mind, quickly she removed her hand and sat up to look around. Yet, there was no-one there, she undid the buttons on her blouse, revealing the black lace bra beneath, soaking in the warmth of the early summer sun, she stretched her stocking covered legs out before her, her legs slightly apart as she felt the hint of coolness in the air circulate up beneath her skirt to her nakedness.  The breeze gently moving beneath the black silk French knickers that she had worn, ones now feeling damp from her arousal as her mind drifted once more to the thoughts of Him coming home tonight.  She had missed him these past few days, hated it when he had to go away on business, she missed his smell, his warmth, his control, she missed being able to touch him, to feel him, to taste him, she missed him using her, her pleasing him, feeling her, touching her, and the longings within her grew as she wished that he was here with her now.

She imagined what he was doing, where he was, and she thought of the summer months ahead when being out in the garden with him in the warm summer sun would become its usual regular occurrence.  They had chosen this house, specifically for the seclusion of its garden, that there wasn’t anyone who could see in, this allowed them the freedom to explore each others nakedness in the warmth of the sun and in the coolness of the air and they both loved how the others bodies reacted to the changes in the temperatures, of how it made their bodies come alive.

And she thought of it now, the time that they had last been out here, when they had been led out on the grass and he had taken her with such power and such strength but with such gentleness.  He moved her, he touched her yet without having to physically touch her, he knew the way her body reacted, he knew each gasp of breath, its sound and the feelings that it created deep within her.  She was his slut, his whore, his everything . . .quite simply his and she knew that he knew her in ways that no-one else ever could. 

The thoughts within her mind flooded her body with deep longings, and the moisture from her lips seeped out a little more as the inner parts of her secreted the juices that always gave her arousal away.  She led there relishing the warmth, the breeze, and all of the feelings and thoughts.

She sighed, a deep sigh of longing of wanting, of needing, and she knew that she needed to find some release, yet wanting that to be with him when he came home later. Instead she placed her feet up on the seat before her and lounged back, breathing deeply and slowly.  She drifted off into her thoughts, totally unaware of anything around her; she failed to hear the gentle footsteps of the man that approached her. He walked slowly, with great purpose, long strides across the recently mown lawn, yet he made no noise as he approached her from behind. 

He had been standing there watching her, willing her to play with herself, he had wanted to watch her bring herself pleasure and release at her own fingers, her own touch, yet, he had felt frustrated when she had stopped herself. He had felt the stirrings of his cock within his jeans, as his mind imagined her playing with herself and being lost to orgasm. When she had stopped he had sighed heavily from frustration and now here he was, approaching her, in silence, without warning, a stirring within him to turn her over and fuck her where she was led.

She didn’t stir, not even when he stood behind her, he watched her breasts exposed to the sun moving up and down with her breathing, he wanted to take the nipples in his fingers and pinch them until she screamed with the pain and the pleasure.  He wanted to force his hardening cock into the mouth, between her lightly painted lips, forcing himself down her throat until she gagged and begged him to stop. All of these thoughts only increased his growing arousal, his cock throbbing in his jeans he could feel the gentle drops of pre-cum beginning to be released and she looked so at peace, so at rest, a beautiful vision, and his erotic thoughts, and the longings that were within him were overwhelming.

He stood there for moments, watching her, soaking up everything about her, and he could see the outline of her suspenders against the material of her skirt, the stocking top showing through the split that went up to her mid thigh, his hands longed to wander over them, to touch them, he longed to reach into her depths to fill her with his fingers at first, followed by more until his hand reached deep into her very being. He wanted her to cry out as he filled her and moved her; taking all of his hand deep inside her, he wanted to fuck her in this way, filling her up, he wanted to feel the waves of her orgasm as she lost control her juices pouring out over his hand and over the soft shaven skin of her intimate places.

Walking towards her, he had taken a pair of her panties that had been hung on the line, the softness of the silk was gentle on his fingers, and in his pocket he fingered them, rolling them up into a ball, and before he could stop himself, he suddenly took them out of his pocket and forced them into the mouth of the sleeping woman before him.  She woke startled trying to scream as he held her down in the chair where she had been led, the panic rising in her so much that she tried to fight yet being overpowered by his strength and agility. He taped over her mouth, keeping the panties forced into her mouth, she had closed her eyes in fear, yet struggled still, her legs wailing about in the air as she tried to find a position where she could regain her control, yet it was fruitless.   She continued to moan and scream from the panty gag that filled her mouth, but the muffled sounds weren’t something anyone could hear.  After all this is why she had loved this garden.

He held her down with ease with one hand while the other covered her eyes, and the immediate loss of orientation scared her, yet deep within the fear aroused her already aroused and sensitive body. And still he held her, placing a cotton hood over her head, depriving her of her sight before she could really see him. She gasped, a deep gasp that came from within her, it aroused him and he felt his hard cock fighting against the restraining fabric of his jeans.  And he could see her breathing deeply, he could feel the fear within her body as she trembled.  And as he pulled her up so she was sitting in the chair, the fighting that had been so wasted stopped, the reality of what she was experiencing hitting home. 

She sat there, her mouth aching from the fullness of the gag within her mouth, her eyes although hidden behind the mask, searching for any clue as to who was there or what he was going to do next, she felt the warmth of the sun coming through the hood, the coolness of the breeze still moving up under her skin, chilling her as it came into contact with the dampness of her skin. She sat there wishing she knew what he was going to do with her, knowing that any movement may make things worse and so she stopped screaming, wishing, hoping that her Master would come home, wishing he was here with her stopping this man from invading her in this way.

Her arms were pulled behind her back and round the back of the chair in which she sat, and the all too familiar feeling of rope made contact with her skin as he began to bind her to the chair in which she sat, he moved quickly, deftly, without hesitation yet with strength and power and control, he obviously knew what he was doing, and the tightness of the rope against her skin, the way it made her skin burn was an all too familiar but deeply erotic feeling.  She loved the way it felt when her Master had used it on her so many times before and she hated the way that she was feeling that way now.

How could she enjoy something such as this ? She felt ashamed, disgust, but the excitement seeping from her, the shallow breathing, the way her body shivered at the touch of his hands, the charge of electric between them was immense, and he felt it too as he watched her hardening nipples, as he saw the body before him squirming as much as it could do within the restraints of the rope.

She moaned deeply from behind the gag, and he stood back and watched her tied to the chair, her breasts being forced out before him, her feet bound to the legs of the chair forcing her legs apart.  As he stood there, he took in the milky white skin of her inner thighs against the top of the black silk stockings, her skirt had ridden higher within the struggle and he saw the nakedness of her very being, before him, she was laid bare in so many ways, and the urge to take her as she was, was immense. Instead he watched her, moving her head from side to side gently as she was straining for sounds, for a sign of what was to come, he sensed her vulnerability, the fact that before him she sat there helpless, hooded, gagged, bound and helpless, a deeply erotic vision that send strong longing urges surging through his body.

He leant forward and gently touched her breasts that were before him, he flicked the nipple with his finger as she cried out in a mixture of surprise and ecstasy.  Every time she made a noise it stirred his longings deeper still.  He caressed them gently, his touch getting firmer, her body reacting in the way that was so beautifully erotic, she strained against the restraints of the rope to feel the pressure of his hands.

She wasn’t prepared for the slap of his hand as it made contact with her breasts, she gasped and then cried out in pain, followed by a deep moan that came from her very depths, her exposed breasts started to burn, yet the coolness of the air eased it gently, her nipples hardening and the rush of blood to her breasts and the coldness and relief brought by the gentle breeze of this early summers day. Just as her body had started to recover, he began to torture her breasts, her pleading cries behind the gag were muffled and lost on him, as he pinched and pulled her nipples, twisting them, rolling them between his firm fingers, the same fingers that gently moved down over her stocking clad thighs, the same fingers that began to probe her.  His hand found her wetness and he smiled at her, the body and all its fear still betrayed by the arousal it was feeling also, he tasted her, licking his fingers clean, while taking his hand back down to probe her more intimately, more deeply, more firmly, she squirmed under his touch, her juices flowing from her more freely, the moans coming from her he could feel coming from deep within her.  He continued to slap, pinch, scratch her breasts, teasing the hard nipples, flicking them and he relished it every time she gasped, or flinched or reacted from his attentions.  His other hand, buried deep within her, as she bucked against being filled by him in this way, his fingers probed her deeply, hitting the spot that she was losing control to. 

She struggled against the restraints, the rope digging into her flesh, making it burn even more, the gag within her mouth seemed to be filling her up even more, the loss of sight had aroused her so deeply, her head was flailing wildly, her long dark hair that she had earlier released from its clip teased her skin, and she drifted into a place and the most intense of feelings, as her body shuddered with the intensity of the release that he had brought to her, she moaned loudly yet still muffled, her body trembled from the intensity of her orgasm, her juices flowed out from her, over his hand, as he sat back to watch her, hungrily he tasted her, licking his fingers clean he buried his face deep within the soft skin, teasing her with his tongue, flicking over the hard bud of her clitoris, deep inside her as he teased her.  And despite the intensity of her orgasm he could sense her building ecstasy, the forming of another orgasm, he smiled at this slut of his, he knew just how to do this to her, it never failed, HE never failed, and she always was lost to him.

He could feel her pushing herself down onto his face as he relished in tasting her, she tasted so sweet.  And as he gently bit the throbbing bud between her legs, she bucked once more as her juices poured from within her, over his face, onto his tongue, and she moaned so loudly, and his own longings took hold as he knew that he was going to take her, he stood up while her body relaxed from the release he had given her, and untied the rope that had restrained her to the chair.  She whimpered and gasped from the release against her skin, exhausted her body was spent, yet still within she longed to be taken, and just as he had thought when he first saw her sitting there, he turned her over, so she was on all fours, removing the hood, her eyes struggled to adjust to the flood of sunlight that she had been relishing earlier.  He gently removed the tape from her mouth, being careful not to hurt her, yet she grimaced in the pain as it pulled the skin, stinging it brought tears to her eyes, and she gasped out in relief as the panty gag was removed from her mouth, her breathing fast and deep.  He wanted this woman, right now, and that is exactly what was going to happen. 

She remained on all fours, and he leant forward grabbing a handful of her hair, the deepest moan of erotic pleasure escaped her mouth, and he pulled her head back gripping her head as he plunged his cock deep into the depths of her ass, wet from her own juices, and she cried out in the shock of being taken this way, the force of the cock spreading her apart from the inside, and there he fucked her, deep and hard, and she pushed back against him to take all of him to her very depths, and she could feel his balls slapping against her naked ass as deeper and harder he took her, using her, taking her like an animal and the slut that she was. 

She was close, her breathing and moans reflected that, the juices still poured from her very depths, her insides that had ached with being filled by his hands, and as he took her harder, more forcefully, she felt his muscles tighten, the moan that escaped his own lips, and she felt his warmth flood within her as he found his own release deep within.  The feeling of this was enough to send her over the edge and lost to an orgasm, her ass still filled with his cock and his juices, her body bucked and pushed against him, and she screamed in such pleasure and release.  Falling down on the chair before her, he took her in his arms, both breathing heavily and deeply, but needing that moment of closeness and intimacy afterwards.  Her breathing slowed as she caught her breath, and she turned and smiled at the man behind her, whispering the words “I love you Master”

[written and copyright of top_kat January 2008]

"Master is here" ~ a story

The quietness of the night is deafening, the silence is hard to hear.  There are no other noises, yet for some reason, although I sit there alone, I sense the presence of somebody else, yet I know that there is no-one else here, I know that I have the house to myself. I had locked the door behind me as I had come in, yet still, I feel uneasy, unsure, a sense of being watched, yet not knowing from where or by who.  I sit there, trying to shake off this feeling, I daren’t even move for the fear of someone being there who can see me at this point, is someone watching, do they see what I wear, or what I do.   Such vulnerability, such building and growing fears, yet, I know exactly the feelings that such vulnerability and fear brings also, the fears and vulnerability being under Ones control can bring . . .yet, he is not here, and yet I know that my body longs for him to be there, just as much as my mind does too.

It is dark, I am alone, the nights are always hard, the unknown, the unseen, it terrifies me if I let it.  He was supposed to be here tonight, but, last minute changes . . . and he cannot be.  He cannot be here until the morning, yet I am saddened at a loss of a night with him, the anticipation building of the time that I will share with him the following day, that alone, that knowing he will be here is enough to keep me smiling, yet, the thoughts and the feelings that he brings to me, I sense the growing arousal within me. His voice, his touch, his control, feelings never brought to me in such ways.  I long to be in his presence, to serve him, to please him, knowing that however something may make me feel, however humiliated, however ashamed, that he takes those feelings away from me. I love the feelings that he brings to me, I love the feelings that come to me when I give of myself, and I have, to such depths.  He knows, the thoughts and feelings within me, He knows how to play my mind, to build the fear, to heighten every single sense. 

But right now, he is not here, I pour a glass of wine, and return to the sofa, and still I feel as if every movement I make is being watched, that everything I do is being scrutinized to such a degree that this person could see the goosebumps growing on my arms, that it feels I am being watched so closely that they could see the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, or that they could witness the growing wetness that such uneasy feelings also brings.  The silence of the night surrounds me, and still I feel uneasy, as I move to the windows to shut the curtains, I need to shut out the silence, and to shut out the millions of pairs of eyes that I can feel bearing down on me . . .I lie on the sofa, the stereo turned up to take away the creaking noises in the house, I try to relax, knowing that tomorrow will be such a wonderful day, my mind moves slowly to the person who floods my entire being, the person who is the focus of my mind, and of all of my thoughts within them.  Maybe he has sent someone to watch me, maybe this is another of his games, he plays them because he knows just how much I respond, of just how much it takes me to the place it does.  And I know my place, and there is always a constant reminder to me, not always a physical reminder, but there is always one there, deep within.

Staring at the ceiling, my mind lost to the most wonderful thoughts, I can feel my body stir, the deep senses of arousal begin to appear, their wetness being so easily felt, a body that responds with a simple thought, a simple word, a simple anything . . .he, her Master,  loves the way her body responds, of how her mind works. He loves the way that he knows the battles that rage in her mind, but he loves the way that her focus is to please him, to serve him, and that in doing that, the very depths of her are fulfilled.  He knows that there isn’t anything she wouldn’t do for him, that she exists to please him, that her subservience to him is so total but so felt with every part of her, and she knows her place. I know my place. . .

As I lie there, the heightening arousal, mixed with the sense of unease and fear, I cannot shake that feeling of being watched, and I touch myself slowly . . .picturing him being here . . . picturing being at His feet, as he deftly gags and hoods me, the electricity from his touch causing me to gasp deeply, every single part of my body coming alive at his touch, at his presence, at being his.  So many opportunities of being alone . . .to explore . . .to play . . .to feel . . .to love . . .

And yet, still I feel watched, and decide to move to the bedroom, taking off some of my clothes as I go, I pull the top over my head, and walk down the hallway to the bottom of the stairs, I shiver against the draft which comes down the hall, a draft which I do not know where it has come from, fumbling for the light switch I sense a presence behind me, I feel the eyes boring through me, seeing the growing nervousness and fear within me.  I gasp as I start to turn to run, and as I do, a hand covers my mouth from behind, the force of the hand bringing my head back as the other hand wraps tightly around the base of my neck, trying to gasp for breath, the fear continues to grow as I try to scream, to fight, fighting for air for my body, fighting to be free of the strength of the grip. I feel my head become lightheaded, both through fear and through lack of oxygen, there is no sound, no presence, only strength in the hands that are around me, and strength in the fear that has gripped me.  I am pushed hard up against the wall, my burning face pushed against the cold paintwork, I shiver trying to protest, the hand removed and released from my mouth and I use the chance to try to move.  The slap across the face, not hard, but firm, enough to bring me back to the moment, of taking me down.  It is something that only my Master had done with me, a slap on the cheek, not with power, yet with so much strength, and because he can . . .and because he knows it takes me down to a point where the depths of my submission is felt, a reminder of my place to him, and I am surprised at being slapped by someone in this way and I am surprised at the way my body floods with those submissive feelings, and yet, the shock of the slap across my face, the slight sting but the warmth that comes in, surprises me, it shocks me into not moving, and I feel the coldness of the tape being slapped across my mouth, silencing me further.  My hands are pulled behind me, the roughness and force of being made helpless, yet there is something gentle about the touch, my mind is confused, my body begins to betray the fear that sits within me. I am scared . . .yet I am aroused, the wetness that seeps between my legs so clear to be felt, yet even without touch. I focus at that moment on my Master, the one who should be here with me, the one I always thought would keep me safe, yet he is not here.

And tighter my arms are pulled behind me, I am pinned to the wall with even more force, the coldness of the wall making me gasp and moan, excitement building within, the fear gripping my heart as it beats loudly, its vibrations reverberating through my entire body, my pulse beating so fast, and still the body betrays the fear.  I feel him fumbling, and then the rough pull of rope as he quickly binds my wrist, and I am pushed further to the wall, the only thing to be giving me balance, the only thing holding me up at this moment.  I try to focus on breathing, yet it is not easy, the terror within begins to well, and I realize that if he secures me further I will be more helpless than I am already, I begin to fight, pushing back to throw his balance, his grip getting tighter, as I struggle further still.  There is only one person who I feel safe being helpless too, knowing that even if I am helpless I am safe, yet I do not feel this now, a searing pain rips through me as his hand lands hard on my ass, the warmth flooding my ass cheeks almost immediately, I choke back the intial pain it brings, the silent tear that forms at the corner of my eye burns my eyes, a tear from pain, and a tear from anger that someone is doing this to me, and yet, my body is flooded with feelings as the mind sends signals through my body, and as his hand makes contact with my ass again, he grabs a handful of my hair, whipping my head backwards, the pain intense, yet, there is something just so exquisite about having your hair pulled, my thoughts drift to my Master and how it feels when he pulls my hair, when I feel the his fingers move through my hair, against my scalp knowing the force that is to come as he grabs a handful of my hair, yet, how can I be thinking of such things, and feeling such arousal when I am faced with this.

I feel myself start to drift, and yet his message becomes all too clear as he pulls me around and throws me to the floor, the coldness of the tiles hitting my breasts, the coldness and fear immediately making the nipples hard and erect and again my body betrays me, and I hope that he cannot see that.  No words are spoken, yet it is clear his intentions and what he is going to do, I lay frozen, terrified of angering him further, yet knowing that I am already helpless and under his control, yet, its not his control that I want to be under, it is not his control that should be happening . . .

I lie there for what seems like an age, yet I know is only a matter of seconds, I can hear his breathing, deep and hard, my own shallow and fast, my pulse racing, my heart beating loudly, I sense him move down to me and try to pull away as he roughly pulls a hood over my face securing it from behind.  I am plunged into darkness, every single sense being heightened in everyway, I lay still, trying to see if I can breathe freely or not, straining to hear him to know where he is, trying to work out his movements, his next movement. Yet, all I hear is the music in the lounge, the music I had turned up to block the silence of the night out.

It taunts me with its gentleness, with its calmness, with its beauty, and finally his hands return, securing something on each ankle, my instinct is to kick out, and I do so, yet surprised at his strength and the quickness of his reactions as he pins me against the floor, and still my legs kick out and I catch him as he reaches over and I hear him hiss angrily at me.  He strikes me hard, again and again his hand making contact with my cold, yet burning skin, the dampness of a light sweat growing out of a mixture of fear and arousal, and his hand hits hard on my ass, at my thighs, across the top of the stockings that I had not had time to remove, and finally, collapsing from the pain that his hands have brought to me, small sobs escape me, the tears falling down inside the mask, the eyes burning, yet I feel ashamed at the tears, at him seeing my weakness, my fear, yet they fall from anger too, but mainly from the pain that burns from my ass and my thighs.

I tremble lying on the floor, the tears burning my face as the mask becomes sodden from the tears that fall, and still there is no word, still there is no sound, no voice. And his hands return to my ankles, and he moves from me, pulling me upwards by my hair beneath the hood that I wear, I rise quickly as I can, half falling, yet steadied by the strength of his grip on my hair, I await his next touch, but am surprised to hear footsteps moving away from me.  I struggle to gather myself, knowing that he will not stay away long, but that he is there and yet I do not know his movements.  New fear floods through me as I consider his intentions, as I think of whether I could make a dash for it, yet, I cannot see, my hands wouldn’t help me escape, only my feet are free and yet my legs tremble so hard I can hardly stand. The thoughts are interrupted by the sound of his return, I stand shivering in the night air, leather surrounds my neck and I begin to panic, I canont identity this feeling, the feeling of being choked overwhelms me, I begin to shake quite drastically, and I hear another metal click, feeling metal draping across my skin, as it is pulled off, the pressure around my neck tucks at me, forcing me blindly to follow.  We stop, abruptly, the coldness of the floor clearly felt beneath my stocking covered feet, the hand reaches down removing the silk French knickers that I had been wearing, yanking them down, I feel their wetness touch my skin as they fall to the floor, I am exposed now, and his foot forces between my ankles moving from left to right, I am off balance and I struggle to remain tanding, he continues to kick my legs, forcing them apart, the snap of metal on one ankle sends chills searing through my body, and I try to move my other foot further apart so that I cannot be placed into an even deeper place of helplessness.

Yet, feeling helpess, I can feel the trickle of wetness leaving my exposed sex, the kicking at my other ankle as he positions my legs wide apart, snapping the other end, I know that he has secured a spreader bar, I cannot move, I cannot run, I can hardly stand as the trembling from fear yet deepest excitement courses through my body.

He shifts behind me and I feel him release the binding on my arms, the rope burning against my skin
again, pulling at the snap on my jeans, and the zipper – roughly yanking them down over my thighs, shoving my feet up out of them.  i am exposed now and his foot is forced between my ankles, kicking left to right, forcing my legs apart.  the snap of metal on one ankle sends new chills through my body as i realize he is securing a spreader.   kicking hard at my other ankle, he positions my legs wide apart, snapping the other end.  he shifts behind me and i feel him release the bindings on my arms.  he quickly steps around me and pulls my wrists together, leather surrounding first one, then the other, and the familiar snap of a clip.  he yanks them over my head and i feel him lean into me as he secures them over my head…i am stretched high now.  my breasts pushing into the air, humiliation floods me as i am unable to hide any part of me.

the music has changed now…a building bass, matching the beat of my heart, it grows louder, driving me with it as i once again wait helplessly.  i wince as a finger trails down my back slowly, and i wiggle to shift away….i feel the teasing trail of leather as it glides across my shoulders, falling down my back.  i am truly afraid now as it pulls away…and i feel the stinging slap as it lands between my shoulders, again and again it bites in to me, the intensity growing.  my shoulders and back are on fire as he moves  his focus to my ass and thighs, and then works his way back up again. a brief respite, followed by a loud crack near my ear.  i freeze in terror - and my body pulls at the restraints, trying to move away…the next crack makes me scream as the whip cuts through my skin.  i loose count as the whip snaps behind me, a pattern being formed across my shoulders, my back…. the hand again, caressing my ass, gently yet firmly…stroking it…grabbing it.  my body responding in spite of itself.. i lean back into the hand, welcoming the warmth….his finger running down the crack of my ass and up again playing, teasing…i feel him move in front of me and gasp as i my nipples are suddenly grabbed, pinching tightly, he pulls them upwards and i try to to rise to my toes, meeting the pull…he is rolling them , pulling and i feel my knees quake, the pending orgasm taking my breath away.  as i cum, he releases me and slides his hands between my legs…my face burns as he runs his fingers across my pussy, the wetness dripping across his fingers.  he begins to rub my clit, circling lightly, increasing pressure and again i cannot control my response to him,  his fingers slide into my, his thumb keeping pressure on my clit, and i am rocking against his hand, moaning as the orgasm rips through my body and pours onto the floor.  i spasm as he continues, drawing yet more from me…my breath now rapid and forced as i strain yet again against him…

as he finally pulls away,  i stand shaking - cold steeling through me as i realize how responsive i had been to him.  guilt over-whelms me as i think of my Master, the betrayal i know he will feel when i tell him, knowing i will have to tell him all….

my hands aches as blood-flow slows and i begin to try to shift them.  he must see this as i feel his hand go to them , checking, he releases them , rubbing the as he lowers them…massaging the flow roughly.   my hands drop and i feel rope again, pulling around my waist…he pins my arms back and ropes begin to circle my elbows. i brace against the pain as he pulls, forcing me breasts out, the ropes now secured to my waist, my shoulders aching as he moves around me,  i gasp in pain as metal bites into my nipples, clamps biting cruelly into flesh….he flicks them and i moan…which only seems to encourage him as he shifts from one to the other.  his hands pushing my shoulders down, forcing me to my knees…a part of the hood breaks away and the tape is ripped from my lips… i jump as i feel flesh push against my lips.  he is forcing his cock into my mouth and i bite down hard to resist, repulsion building deep in my stomach. he reaches down and pulls the chain connecting to the clamps on my nipples, and as the pain rips through me i open  my mouth to cry out. he quickly forces himself in, slamming back and forth into my throat.  the feel of him, the size…the taste…all flood my mind and i start as i realize why…it can only be Him…i would know His cock anywhere…with tears of happiness, i open my mouth and throat to Him…feeling the force of His need…and hungrily take his every drop as He explodes down my throat – finally, speaking as he says "Master is here"

[written by and copyright of top_kat Jan 2008 simply from the 3 words of "Master is here" ]