20 April 2014

The kiss

I remember the taste of your lips.  And recall with pleasure the way your mouth felt against my own.  The warmth, the taste. Lips that met with such sweet perfection. Heat of mouths as they slowly devoured the other. Kissing those lips was like kissing a black hole, pulling you in, consuming you completely, just for that moment until there is nothing remaining to be consumed.

Fingers reaching into hair, gripping, as tongues dance a powerful tango and it feels like an earthquake has hit, a surge of feelings, of desire, of longing, like a volcano has erupted.  A whole series of powerful natural disasters, sending shockwaves right to the pit of the stomach, surging around the body with a power and strength like a tsunami hitting shore.

And yet it had a sweetness like champagne, intoxicating, where just one taste leaves you wanting more, craving more, desiring more.  And you want to hold onto that kiss for as long as you can, to drink from it when there is nothing left, like being stranded in a desert without any water and that kiss was the only moisture that there will be.

I'll remember the kiss and wish for just one more.

19 April 2014

Aristophanes in Plato's symposium

It is amazing the things we come across when insomnia hits.

I have a book to read and yet, neither my mind or eyes could focus on it.  I don't know if I will be able to.  At least not for a while at least. So I will place it onto the bookshelf until the time may come that I will re-open its covers.

Instead in the depths of the early hours, I have just read a translation of Aristophanes speech in Plato's symposium. Within it, there is such simple beauty, reflecting the naïve hope that we, each "find" our other half, their discussion upon their thoughts of "love".

There is one particular part of his speech, where the words have such simple beauty within them, yet they are words that reflect that naïve hope . . .perhaps the thing that we hope to "find", in whatever way, or wherever we may seek it . . .is it a naïve hope?

"And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell.."

Sometimes words from others have such simplicity, yet, can hold such depth, such meaning such truth . . words which can at times touch, right through to leaving one breathless.

Maybe it is a naïve hope.

Things happen which give us hope that we may one day find what it is that we may seek, the thing that we may hope to find.  And hope can be dashed, it can be trampled and crushed and discarded.  Maybe we looked in the wrong place.  Maybe we are looking for something that isn't ultimately possible to find.  Maybe it just isn't. 

18 April 2014

The fire

"In everyone's life, at some time our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."
Albert Schweister

This quote, these words will not mean a great deal to many people. But I came across these words in the depths of last night when a really bad night of insomnia prevented me from sleeping.  When so many thoughts, questions without answers passed through my mind.

They speak to me.

They are close to words I've recently spoken. Of bonfires, and flames and bellows.   I'm sat here right now, watching the day begin to dawn, the light starting to creep into the sky, the birds outside beginning to wake with their morning song and I realise that my fire had gone out.

That my fire had been rekindled. And while someone has come along and thrown water over it, for whatever reason that may be, that it is still there, still burning in the embers and not totally extinguished.

This week sees it being 5 years since I lost my Mum. Her passing has left a void that is felt every day.  We lost another family member this week. A dear friend has been told that the tumour on her liver has been joined by several others, that her body is being attacked by cancer, just as it attacked and finally took my Mum from me.  Sometimes, words are just so hard to find. Words are sometimes impossible to find.

And I feel guilty that my focus for a little while was taken by the flame, by the warmth, by the way the flames could dance as the inner spirit is woken from it's dormant state.  But I liked how it felt. Liked how it made me feel. It made me see that it was, that it is possible, however short lived for the spirit to be really felt. For the things, the feelings, the wants and needs and desires to be felt.

There is a real deep sense of loss for many things right now.  These past few days have added to that too. And those feelings, are probably just enough to put the fire out. 

Just not yet.

Just not right now.  Maybe tomorrow.

17 April 2014

Sometimes I wonder....

Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder what goes through someone's mind, or why life must be so amazingly lacking for some, that they take steps to quite literally take something away from someone else.

I don't get it.


You can have hope for something and it can be gone in the blink of an eye. A week of really difficult days, sad family news and "this".

I didn't need this right now. I didn't need "this" full stop. It's not what I wanted at all and I really don't know why...why some things happen...why someone may do what the choose to do.

I didn't need "this" at anytime but certainly not now. But that's life I guess.

It can be so crap at times :(