09 August 2012

My response VIII ~ what you want?

Dear mister_ticklist

How interesting, that you should write to me, stating that female dominants are rare.

I would disagree.

We are not that rare, not really!

You have written to me, with a tick list, a long email no doubt written and sent a hundred times before, to a hundred different people, in the hope that you will find someone who will give you exactly what you want.

You profess to be submissive, however, your email, your "list" clearly shows that you like a bit of kink when you fancy a bit, that you want your kink to be as you like it, when you want it, where, when and exactly how you want it.  You make it clear that I would be expected to "perform" for you, to dress in clothes that you think that I should be wearing, clothes that make me dominant.  You state how I should act, to be dominant, and wanting me to do, only the things that you want to do.
I am sorry to disappoint you that I do not meet your specification of what a dominant female is. 

And I am disappointed that having read my profile, you think that we are on the same page or that I have misled in anyway that has led you to contact me.

I wonder if it is a dominant that you seek, you want to be in charge. You want to be in control. You want someone, anyone it appears,  to cater to your needs, when, how and where you want.

We are not on the same page.  And on reflection, yes, perhaps female dominants are rare ~ or more so, just perhaps the female dominant that you are seeking is!

I hope that you have luck with your "spec".

08 August 2012

My Response VII ~ Who cares?

Dear Iva_HardOn

You kindly took the time to write to me, saying how much you enjoyed reading things that I have written, that there were things that you related to, that "hit home".

That I appreciate.

I am glad that you feel that way and that there are things that I have written that make you think!

It is a shame you hadn't managed to read THIS  before you sent your message!

Because, do you really think that I needed to know that as you were writing to me, after you had read, that you were sat there with a Hard on?


Why do I want to know?

Why do I care?

I don't.

07 August 2012

Burning bridges

"My girlfriend doesn't understand me".

How many times do you hear it? I hear it so much it drives me round the twist.  I understand that there are many people in relationships where their "other half" doesn't understand them or their needs.  It may be that I do understand the needs that they may have.  But, I'm not the gf!

"I don't get what I need from my relationship".

How many times do you hear it?

Probably as much as I do.  And yes, I understand there are a whole lot of people who don't get what they need from their relationship ~ I didn't from mine so it is in the past.  Everyone has the ability to change this.

But what is so frigging annoying are those who complain and moan about how their relationship isn't right, that it doesn't meet their needs, that they aren't able to be what they are or what they need to be.  But do absolutely nothing to change it.  It goes on for years and years without ever changing.  But I don't know what they expect me to do . . .

I can't change it.

Only YOU can.

You are the one in that relationship. You have the ability to change it.  You have the ability to be able to be who you are, what you are, but in a relationship that is right for you.

No-one can make those changes for you.

But, while you are in that relationship, nothing, will ever go beyond a friendly chat, I will be an understanding friend.  Nothing more.

It's not my style. It's not my scene. It's not my thing.

But on the same subject, don't think that you can "pick up" and "put down" when it suits you, don't think that you can "come and go" as you wish, when you wish.  Don't think that you can pick up when it suits, put down while a temporary "alternative" comes along and think that it will be ok when you come to "pick up" once more.

It maybe "ok" in your book.

It isn't in mine.

You may think that it is a good way to treat someone.

I don't.

Bridges burn . . .don't try crossing it again!

02 August 2012

House Slaves and House Maids

There was a discussion going over on IC some time ago, talking about house slaves/house maids HERE and I do not think it is surprising that people often wonder what someone can get out of such service.

Some truly fail to see how someone can be fulfilled in this way, although quite often it seems the ones who cannot understand it come into D/s with a completely different outlook as to what it is and what it means to them ~ which is understandable.  If it isn't their thing, if it doesn't fulfill their needs, they aren't likely to fully understand how it can to others.  Some people will make comments because they speak out of ignorance, looking down on people who are fulfilled in such a way.  But simply; they just don't get it.

But, to me, I totally get it.

Totally get that someone can be fulfilled from such a service orientated role.  That they can simply be pleased and have fulfilment from making someone's life easier.  This however, isn't an easy thing to find, there are very few who truly want or who could be at ease within such a role.  It seems that the number of people who search for such, who long or desire such, decreases by the day.  They are certainly quite rare it would appear.

Within that thread, there is a male submissive, who explains what he gets from his service in this way, of how it works for him . . .it seems that the service he provides is such a rare thing, but what stood out for me, is what he gets from it, of how he explains how it fulfills him and his needs.  It goes on to show that it isn't just about having a service submissive, but that it is something quite special.  His words, actually spoke volumes, so much so that I wanted to share it here. 

The IC member Lanterne_Rouge  wrote this . . .

I've served in this way for a decade or so, with one Lady in particular for the last few years.

I don't "get off" on housework (as it was described in the original post); it doesn't give me a sexual thrill and at home it's just chores that I do. In normal working life I've got a stressful and senior role. I very rarely actual "do" anything, I'm more often juggling people and other resources or working on strategy and other long term guff, generating excel sheets and powerpoints. 

Performing service for a Lady allows me to completely switch this off. I'm usually doing something quite manual for her, and able to focus on quite tightly defined tasks ("Clean the oven") rather than dealing with the uncertainties and open ended work items of my job. I can perform a task, and see it through to completion. I may even get some praise for it if done well. For a while I can simply exist, which is fantastically mentally relaxing even when I'm rushing around scrubbing, polishing, cooking, whatever. There is a real satisfaction in a job well done - and, conversely, real disappointment and shame if she finds something I've missed that she then needs to complain about or punish me for.

Sometimes I work with close supervision (there is nothing that concentrates the mind quite so much as the Lady pacing up and down, flexing a riding crop or paddle and sometimes swatting me if I'm not fast enough, or thorough enough). That tends to be when she is in a more playful mood and wants to enjoy watching me toil for her, and exert her dominance - or if she's just had a rough day at work and wants to work out some pent up aggression.
Other times, I'm told what to do and left to get on with it whilst she goes into her study to catch up on work, or relaxes with a glass of wine and a good book. In this case I may prepare and serve her a meal whilst also ensuring that the kitchen is left spotless (regardless of its state when I arrived) and any other tasks have been completed. In these sessions I may have very little interaction with her. 

The goal and satisfaction for me come in seeing that she is feeling relaxed and pampered. There is no expectation or hope that I'll get anything beyond a pat on the head and a thank you as I leave. It feels especially good if she has examined my work and not found any real issues with it.

With the Lady that I've been lucky enough to work for over the last few years there is no intimate service involved - although she knows that I appreciate seeing ladies in general wearing fully fashioned stockings and heels (well, I'm a bloke, aren't I!), so will sometimes wear them when I'm serving her as a treat (always with a decent length skirt, an elegant not a tarty look). This isn't always the case; she may equally often be wearing "slouchy" clothes - jeans and an old t-shirt or jumper chosen purely for comfort rather than looks. I have no expectations or demands on her.
I wear what she tells me to wear, which will usually reflect any particular jobs that she needs doing. That may be workwear (trousers and t-shirt) for hard work DIY/seriously dirty tasks or gardening, or if she fancies some eye-candy as I work around the house doing general cleaning she'll have me wear a short skirt, stockings and heels or perhaps a leather slave harness as the mood takes her.

On the odd occasion that I've been privileged to serve when she's had an evening with a few of the girls around (so ensuring that the house is clean when they arrive, serving drinks and nibbles, cooking & serving food, clearing up afterwards) she's preferred me either in waiter-style black trousers, white shirt and bow tie or alternatively blouse, skirt, stockings and heels depending upon which particular ladies are her guests. Wearing non-street clothes does help me get into the service head space, but is non-essential to my enjoyment.
So, back to the original question - there is a well understood dynamic between us. We both know what we'll get out of the arrangement, and enjoy each others company (often having fits of giggles together rather than behaving strictly in Mistress/servant roles). We sometimes meet socially as equals in a pub or coffee bar just for a natter and a drink. I'd find it hard to serve somebody that I don't like and respect - if that was the case then how could I get my enjoyment from seeing her needs met?

From her point of view, she obviously gets all the nasty jobs done that she dislikes (oven cleaning, floors scrubbed etc.) and any tricky handyman stuff, but beyond that also gets an evening of feeling both empowered and pampered - or if she's working late whilst I'm performing my chores then simply having her life made a little easier during a busy period. One of my best moments - seeing my Lady swell up with pride when one of her guests at the end of an evening said that she wished she had the services of someone like me.

I know that I could quite easily be that guest who said she wished she had the services of someone like him.  Because quite simply, it would just be perfect.  Someone who is able to be of service in this way, to this extent, to be at ease within that role, but more so, not to come with a whole list of wants and needs, but to be fulfilled in the role that he is fulfilling.  That the submissive needs, the needs to serve are met through those chores and tasks.  

As I mentioned earlier, people like this, are a very very rare, but special find. Someone else in that thread also says

" think "most" people advertising to be a maid have ulterior motives and that they want a bit of spanking or sex at the end of the cleaning etc....There are very few, like myself who genuinely just wish to clean and make someone elses' life better"

And that is it . . .that hits it right on the head.  The desire to make someone elses' life better.  As it says in the quote above

"the goal and satisfaction for me come in seeing that she is feeling relaxed and pampered. There is no expectation or hope that I'll get anything beyond a pat on the head and a thank you as I leave. It feels especially good if she has examined my work and not found any real issues with it."

It is about not having expectations, of not coming with a tick list of wants and needs that need to be fulfilled as so many seem to think that is the point of submitting, that is what submitting is all about.

For some, it is about that tick list. And for them, that is fine.  This is all about after all, what it is for each of us.

For others, it is far far beyond that.

For me it most certainly is.

But, it was refreshing to see that someone serves in this way and gets their fulfillment from serving, from pleasing.  Not because they have a whole host of expectations to be fulfilled to get that satisfaction. It does go to show, that there are some people out there who share that wavelength, that thought.

If only we could all be as lucky to find this . . . .