He is at the beginning of exploring a journey having taken the step of telling his wife about his submissive tendencies and his interest in chastity. Not an easy thing we know and not something that always brings positive results, but interesting just the same.
He wanted to find an understanding of what the female dominant would get from keeping a male in chastity. I had a similar conversation with someone a long time ago, about the things that appeal to me about chastity and denial. And the things that I get from it.
Such as . . .
But I guess that yes, it could very much be the case. That you become very much aware of his predicament, you become very aware of the difficulties or struggles he is having in his denial, and in turn you become more aware of the additional attention that he pays, but also the attention that you in turn pay to yourself. Certainly something that has given a little food for thought . .
But I really enjoy reading about the things that certain actions or certain things bring to others, the things it brings to their relationship. I think we can learn an awful lot, it gives a never ending supply of ideas and inspiration. And yes, I do find learning of others, their relationships and dynamics inspiring to the things that I like or want to explore if it is something new to me. It is all a never ending learning curve I think, we never stop learning.
One of the things that really stands out and something I wholly agree with is "I get nothing out of locking up a man who cannot control himself honourably without a device. That is boring as the sub is not really submitting,just being forced. Forced submission is to me about as meaningless as it gets." Ms Valentine
And this is exactly how it is for me.
I also find that it is much more fulfilling when the chastity and denial is done without the device. It is harder of course, but when someone is denied in this way without the use of a device it shows his honour in submitting and the he isn't just doing it because there is a device in place, forcing his submission. Devices are a bonus. A visual (but wonderful!) bonus which I like to use and have in place. Plus their use can come in very handy for the fulfilment of some sadistic needs and desires! But, not having a need for the device is important to me. Having the submission without it being forced by the device is important to me!
Someone actually mentioned using devices in relation to "trust". For me, if a device has to be used because there is no trust, or because you do not trust someone when you are apart from each other then, IMO there are serious issues beyond this. The trust, has to be there, just as it does in any dynamic or any relationship. If I had to put someone in a device when I was apart from them, just to trust them, then that wouldn't work for me in the slightest.
Ultimately of course control is the main thing I get from it. (It is of course the focus of things for me)
The level of control it gives me and in the ways it gives it to me. It goes above and beyond just meeting any sexual desire or need. I don't do it for him, because he wants to, or because it is what he wants. (Although I don't have a problem if it is what he wants!) I do it for the reasons that I choose or want to, for what it gives to me, the level of control that it gives me and all the things that it brings to me and also into the relationship. I like the intimacy that it can bring. But ultimately I do it because I love it! I love the control of it!
I get other things from it too ~ I like to witness psychological changes that a man goes through in his denial. The way it alters his feelings, changes his patterns of behaviour, but also his attentitiveness. I like how you can use chastity to change and control these feelings and behaviours too.
For me, it isn't about long term denial of orgasms, (although I don't think a few months is too long) but I don't have a desire to move towards celibacy as that isn't what I want. Instead I want control over his body, the release that he may be granted and when and in what way. I like to deny just because I can, to push, to stretch, to tease and deny. To keep him simmering like a saucepan on a low heat, knowing that it keeps his interest, his drive and his longing.
It also fulfils needs for me in terms of my own sadistic needs and desires, it can be incredibly sexy and is a tool that can be used in a wonderful but also powerful way. It is done on MY terms, when I want, how I want and in what ways I want. Ultimately, it is very much about having control although, I get a great deal out of it, and more than I thought possible when I first explored it.
I know that many people do not often see what the other can get from something, I get a whole lot from chastity, from denial, from having that control. Mephista commented into the thread with this . . .
"It's not something I've ever really explored. To be honest I get so many memos from men wanting me to keep them in chastity that I find myself thinking "even when it's not about your cock, it's all about your cock".
What worries me about long term chastity is that I do occasionally like to have sex with my subs, and the last thing I want is a boy with a hair trigger response."
And I think so often we can be led to believe that implementing something into a dynamic would or could potentially lead to missing out on something that we enjoy, but it doesn't have to be the case. The thing with chastity and denial is that it is something that the dominant really does have control over, to how it works, to how it fits, to when it takes place. If she wants to have sex she can do, when she wants, chastity doesn't have to be about long term denial (and as I've mentioned before, that verges for me, to much on the edge of celibacy which is most definitely not what I want!)
But I think, Ms Valentine expressed it very well and as I totally agree with these thoughts I wanted to quote them here . .
"It is the absolute flexibility of sexual control which make sit so suitable to many D/s situations. One can use devices or not. One can require honour chastity. Chastity can be alternated with 'forced' orgasms, ruined orgasms, teasing and denial or any combination of them. I am sure there are things I haven't thought of which can be added to that basic set. One can have PIV sex because even if you like devices, all you have to do is take it off when you want sex.
Chastity has a great deal of flexibility to work within any dynamic, to any degree, whether it be dipping the toes in or something a lot more involved and extended. I for one, love that flexibility that it gives for the control, but also the ways in which control can be given and indeed taken.
I know what is in it for me. I know that there's a whole lot in it for me . . .
And I love it! :)