02 December 2013

Revisiting . . .wanting.

This weekend I've had reason to revisit some of my old "writings" that are posted here on my blog.  It is a strange thing, revisiting things that I have written sometimes over 2 years ago.

And yet, reading them, transports me back to the moment I wrote them, the feelings that I had, the emotions that flooded me.  But more so, they have taken me back to that moment in time . . .transporting me back to that place.

That moment.

That reality. 

A mixture of emotions come from revisiting.  Not in a negative way, because as in the words of Amber Decker "never regret something that once made you smile". And I don't. I don't do regrets.

But, even reminiscing with a time that may have been difficult. Where all was not good or a time that may have brought difficult times and moments to life, I do not regret.

And yet, they aren't such a distant memory.

Not really.

There are some things that the passing of time does not take away.  There are some things that simply do not fade with the passing of time.

Instead they feel as if they were just yesterday.  They have been brought alive from my own words, my own reflections that I've written about those moments.  And wow. Just wow.

It is a strange thing to feel so much further on.  I do not read my writings. I simply write them, let them flow from the mind and the depths from which they come and let them go.  I don't have a need normally to revisit them. I don't particularly have a desire to revisit.   

That is until now. Until I had reason to. Until I wanted to.

Flooded with feelings, with emotions, flooded with the intensity of the arousal, the connection, the bond, the pain.  A depth of a memory which comes alive, which is felt deep within.  I feel it just as intensely as I did back then.  Just as I did at the moment in time.  Just as I did in that moment shared.

But revisiting those moments, makes me realise just how much there are things that I miss.  They make me realise of just how much I'd like to find that again, to explore with someone new, to share those feelings, those emotions, those moments.  Things that maybe new for that person, things that would certainly be new for "us". 


I miss that.

I miss that "us". 

Not missing anyone in particular as I don't nor would I want to revisit an "us" from the past.  And I do not want to do so at all.

But I miss there being an "us". I miss there being a you and me. I miss those emotions and feelings that come within the power exchange. I miss the fulfillment that comes from such depths of submission and my domination.  I miss the "top space".  I miss creating the "sub space".  I miss the shared moments of intimacy, of emotion, of love.  I miss the "beast" being released from it's inner cage.  I miss the closeness and depths that come from the beauty of one's submission.  I miss the energy and inspiration that comes from my own dominant needs. 

And I miss it.

And I want it.

But more so I need it.  And even though I've always known that.

I have come to realise just how much I do. 


  1. I take it finding the right partner is harder than it looks?

    (Lovely writing, by the way.)

  2. Thank you!

    It isn't easy no. It is just as hard for a dominant female to find a submissive as it is the other way around.

    But it isn't easy to find someone who needs the same things but from the opposite side of the D/s spectrum.

    And I have specific things that I look for, and I know that does not make it any easier. In fact, probably makes it harder in terms that it "narrows" down potentials.

    However, in saying that, I am happy being single, and not being in a relationship and I would rather it be that way than to be in something that just doesn't fulfill the needs that I have, or that they have.

    However, sometimes, just sometimes somebody special comes along that awakens a very deep part of me. It is quite rare. But incredibly wonderful when it happens - hence these feelings. Who knows what the future will bring :)

    With best wishes


  3. It is hard finding what you want...there ends up being many compromises....some okay, some harder to live with, but then some benefits make up for those loses.

    Every cloud, every person has a silver lining and a dark side, just finding the cloud with the balance to live with.

    And you never know whats around the corner....

    Sillymaid, from Gloucester

  4. She makes the rules? It's lace-trim-nylon panties for you! I don't care your not a precious little girl? Into the bathroom,it's time for your bubble bath, you will heed to my wrath! Out comes the lady razor you be smooth in seconds flat. The Legs, are done, too the chest, arms, and underarms? That's what I say! I'm turning you into a proper young lady today,you can fight me you think you're strong, I'm much tougher, I will prove you wrong! It's nail polish time, quit your whine, I'm dolling you up,toesy's to your fingers, I taken the boy out of you! Your now a pretty little girl! Later it's a beauty pallor trip, they'll do something with your do? Let's dye it and put baby curls around,Shirley Temple blonde, you be a pretty, pretty, little girl when they are done! Amanda.

  5. Hello,

    May I ask, if you were to direct me to two or three posts that say most who you are, now, which would they be?

    Thank you.

  6. l know i am part of you, you know who I am
    I see myself in your words, thoughts and dreams
    I read your lines and I see me in between each one
    I’m not the commas, or fullstops, nor am I the end of the lines
    I am the gaps in between the words, the unknown, the space that needs to be filled
    My words, here, and there (cm), are empty, as empty as I am without your eyes on them, on me.
    I yearn for the woman who makes the rules, I want to follow her and her rules
    Imagine you believing you have found the one and the joy in yourself to live as you have written,
    Now imagine me having read your words and wanting to live by your rules, and the struggle you are giving me, the struggle is worth it, but please let me know…let me know something, anything.
    I can only think that my struggle is what I need to go thorough in order to see your joy.
    I can struggle, willingly, wantingly, for your joy. I want to scream out, hear my scream.