07 June 2019

Stepping out

So dinner was lovely. 

An unassuming evening, no expectations (therefore no disappointments), a chance to relax over some great food, a chance to chat freely and openly.

There is something about being able to be open about who you are, the needs that you have, the lifestyle that you follow, without judgement, without fearing that someone may not understand, with someone who actually gets "it". 

And even though that person may be submissive to your dominant, there is still a level of understanding of the whole dynamic and you don't feel weird that you have a particular kink or fetish because you know that even if it's not the others kink, there is more often a non judgemental acceptance.  Not that I feel weird about my own kinks, fetishes or needs.  I've accepted them and who I am a long time ago, but still I know that not everyone is at that same place.

Even without the expectations, even without any "role" in place, even without a dynamic, there was still very much a natural way of being.  And natural because neither of us had be anything other than who we are, and that is another great thing, the chance to be who you are. 

He was nervous, a little shy, he blushed (lots - perfect!) and there is something about that open display of vulnerability in some ways which is decidedly sweet, the way his cheeks would flush and he'd lower his eyes, the way he would smile when I would say to him that there was no need for him to be embarrassed for what he shared, felt or spoke of.  

For me, I so enjoy the battle that this reflects, the slight embarrassment, the emotional feelings that are created inside one when they are blushing, an opening of thoughts and feelings and yet, the emotional battle of that too.  As an emotional sadist, I like the fact that there's a little bit of an uncomfortable feeling, that there's a battle going on. 

He arrived with a most beautiful bunch of flowers, having already known what was in there included not only some of my favourite flowers, but done in a bouquet of my favourite colours.  His effort and careful thought certainly didn't go unnoticed and when I commented on it and thanked him, he blushed a little bit but his face lit up as a beaming smile crept across his face.  It is such simple things such as this, which are in their own way quite special. That someone shows that interest, retains little snippets of information and genuinely does things to place a smile on another's face is heart-warming.

It wasn't that he had bought me flowers that was totally responsible for the smile on my face (although it did make me smile as it's been such a long time since anyone has bought me flowers apart from the mini man on birthdays and Mothers Day), but it was the careful thought that he had given, that he'd obviously retained things that we had spoken of and shared.  He had even made sure that a certain type of flower was not in the bouquet as I had once shared the thought that they reminded me too much of funerals.  Simple things, but quite lovely.

He was very interesting (and interested), he was attentive and very sweet, open and a wonderful ability not just to listen but to truly 'hear' what was being said. It's hard to believe that we have known each other for quite some time but have only just taken this step to meet face to face and even though it was in a week of some serious work deadlines for me, dinner was lovely, the company was great, the conversation flowed easily. 

It was great to connect, but more so, to be able to connect without expectation, without any pre-conceived ideas, and just the chance to be who I am, with people who can be who they are, a mutual respect and understanding, that is often quite a rare thing to find. 


  1. It's very nice to see you posting again. It sounds like a lovely evening with a very lucky boy.

    Take care.

  2. Sounds like a truly lovely evening.