10 November 2010

My thoughts on chastity and denial . . .

There is something about denying a man the chance to orgasm, of taking control over what is for most, a basic action, desire and "need", except, I like to have control of that, for me it is an essential part of not only the D/s dynamic but also of the FLR.

For many people taking control of someone in this way creates a sexual desire within them, that they do it as part of "play" in tease and denial, but for me, it is much more than that, it meets and fulfils needs way beyond anything sexual.  It is not the "sexual" reasons which make me decide to deny someone an orgasm or to place them into a chastity device.  It is the control, of having control of him, of his body, of his cock, of saying when he may or may not orgasm, denying him even when he may beg ~ that isn't a sexual fulfilment for me, it is one which fulfils my need and want for power, for control.  Saying no to someone however much they may beg is an incredibly powerful thing, and by being in chastity, he hands that control and that power to me.  It is never something I could or would want to refuse to have.

I do not place my sub in chastity for him, I do it for myself so that I can witness the psychological changes he goes through in his denial, it is the way that he feels, the building frustration that appeals.  It is watching how he becomes more focussed on me, on my needs, in seeing how he becomes more attentive to making sure those needs are met.  That I get MY sexual pleasure before he gets his, if he gets it at all!  He is then giving more selflessly, because his focus isn't on his own pleasure, it is on mine.  Having someone that attentive is a wonderful thing, to have someone place his focus on you, to attend to your needs is a wonderful feeling, seeing how he becomes more compliant in other areas, even less argumentative, and becomes more subserviant in his feelings and approach, becoming more open to control in other areas   . . .all of this deepening the bond and the dynamic on so many levels. 

It is of course, something that also fulfils my sadistic needs, to see him suffer as he is aroused whilst wearing a device, knowing that it can cause such discomfort and pain, to watch him beg for release only to be denied, watching his face burn from the humiliation of crying out as the device limits his erection.  I like the fact that placing my sub in chastity has such an impact upon his behaviour, so much of which is ruled by his sex drive, except when in chastity it is controlled by me!

Chastity for me, isn't about long term denial of orgasms, for that would be in my eyes celibacy. I do not want a celibate sub, I want one who focusses on my needs and meeting them, and I want control over his body, his cock and his orgasms.  I don't want him never to have them, I want to decide when he will, or if he will. Denying him for longer if he displeases or just because I can.  I like to see how far I can stretch him, how far I can push him for, teasing and denying, keep him simmering like a saucepan on a low heat, knowing that if I ask that he edge that it raises his interest, his drive and his longing, but still the decision of the orgasm is mine to make. 

I like the aspects of tease and denial within chastity itself, I have control of his orgasms, I have control of his sex, he has given that control up. If I decide to shut him down, ignore him, that is my choice, but, I like to tease him, to keep him aroused, for his body to be in such a high state of arousal that it is a focus of his  mind, and again, this meets my need for control way way before it touches on touching any sexual needs of my own.

Even hearing the details when I have given orders to edge, knowing what the sub has done, doesn't overtly turn me on. Yes of course it makes me wet, because such control is hot! Damn fucking hot at times, but, I like to remind him of his predicament, I like him to know if he came close to begin granted release and if it was taken away for any reason.  I like having that control to do that, that it is my decision, that I make the rules and they are MY rules.

If I grant him the permission to orgasm, it will be on my terms, when I say, how I say, I am in control, not him, if I want him to masturbate and then ruin the orgasm so that he dribbles and builds the frustration he may feel inside I will . . .because I can, because it is my decision, my cock and my rules!

All of that time he has been denied, only to be granted and for it to be ruined.  Does that make me a bitch? Maybe it does, but I do it because I want to, because it is my choice and because that is what I want . . .but do not get me wrong.  My sub being in chastity isn't about solely my needs, it is about his also, the fact that he wants to be controlled, that he wants to give up that control to another, and even in being denied it meets the needs that he may have.  Some may not be able to understand that being in chastity actually increases the levels of intimacy within the relationship not taking away from it, that he sacrifices his orgasm and defers to my control  because he craves the opportunity to serve, to please, to be attentive, to love her selflessly, and not knowing whether an orgasm will be granted, of not expecting it, he does it selflessly, he pleases his Domme first and foremost without really knowing what pleasure or release may come his way.  He cna show his devotion, his love and not just that he is after his own sexual needs being met. 

Teasing is a reward not a right, being given the chance to edge is a reward not a right, being given permission to orgasm is a priviledge that will be granted on my terms, when I want and in ways that I determine.  Now how can that level of control be anything BUT hot?


  1. kermit_the_tadpole17 July 2012 at 11:06

    You have summed it up perfectly...a sub in chastity for YOU. just as it should be.x

  2. It's almost as if my Mistress wrote this herself! Awesome!

  3. Absolutely brilliant writing Miss Top Kat. Exactly my own thoughts - too many subs (and Dommes) get hung up on the whole "how long is he chaste for" idea, when its simply about you being in control, whether its a daily release, or something longer.

  4. You write :He is then giving more selflessly, because his focus isn't on his own pleasure, it is on mine.
    I am not sure ... i really dont know.
    But doesn't he realise he needs You for an orgasm. So he must do as You want to get one at all. That would be a selfish act.

  5. "Teasing is a reward not a right, being given the chance to edge is a reward not a right, being given permission to orgasm is a privilege that will be granted on my terms, when I want and in ways that I determine."

    i think i am in love :-)