Chastity - what's in it for the lady?

There's a couple of rather interesting threads on IC right now.  I don't often say that as I find so many of the threads and posts really dull and that people find it more appropriate to pick up and on people for their lack of grammar or spelling than the subject being discussed.  And there often tends to be the same old threads that get brought to the surface time after time, with dictionary definitions being thrown into the mix along with those who think their way, is the only way. . . .

Anyway, recently a male submissive posted asking the question, Male Chastity ~ what is in it for the lady?

He is at the beginning of exploring a journey having taken the step of telling his wife about his submissive tendencies and his interest in chastity.  Not an easy thing we know and not something that always brings positive results, but interesting just the same.

He wanted to find an understanding of what the female dominant would get from keeping a male in chastity.  I had a similar conversation with someone a long time ago, about the things that appeal to me about chastity and denial.  And the things that I get from it.

Of course I have written in my blog HERE and HERE about my own thoughts about chastity and denial and what it does for me, the reasons why I like it and also what was explored with the boy.  

But some other comments which I also agree with that have been shared in this thread have certainly given food for thought, and made me realise that there's probably a whole host of undiscovered benefits and things that can come from it.

Such as . . .

"When my partner is in chastity I not only find him paying more attention to me, but I pay more attention to MYSELF.

It's almost like early days of courting. I make sure I'm dressing up and flirting with him to make his predicament all the more punishing." Mistress Watchful

I hadn't given that a lot of thought to be honest.

But I guess that yes, it could very much be the case.  That you become very much aware of his predicament, you become very aware of the difficulties or struggles he is having in his denial, and in turn you become more aware of the additional attention that he pays, but also the attention that you in turn pay to yourself.  Certainly something that has given a little food for thought . . 

But I really enjoy reading about the things that certain actions or certain things bring to others, the things it brings to their relationship.  I think we can learn an awful lot, it gives a never ending supply of ideas and inspiration.  And yes, I do find learning of others, their relationships and dynamics inspiring to the things that I like or want to explore if it is something new to me. It is all a never ending learning curve I think, we never stop learning.

One of the things that really stands out and something I wholly agree with is  "I get nothing out of locking up a man who cannot control himself honourably without a device. That is boring as the sub is not really submitting,just being forced. Forced submission is to me about as meaningless as it gets." Ms Valentine 

And this is exactly how it is for me.

I  also find that it is much more fulfilling when the chastity and denial is done without the device.  It is harder of course, but when someone is denied in this way without the use of a device it shows his honour in submitting and the he isn't just doing it because there is a device in place, forcing his submission.  Devices are a bonus. A visual (but wonderful!) bonus which I like to use and have in place.  Plus their use can come in very handy for the fulfilment of some sadistic needs and desires!  But, not having a need for the device is important to me.  Having the submission without it being forced by the device is important to me!

Someone actually mentioned using devices in relation to "trust". For me, if a device has to be used because there is no trust, or because you do not trust someone when you are apart from each other then, IMO there are serious issues beyond this.  The trust, has to be there, just as it does in any dynamic or any relationship. If I had to put someone in a device when I was apart from them, just to trust them, then that wouldn't work for me in the slightest.

Don't get me wrong, I love devices, I love how they look, how they work and they certainly fit in with my own sadistic needs in terms of chastity . . .but, I wouldn't want it to be in place because it has to be. Devices for me are an additional.  A bonus, albeit a delightful one!

Ultimately of course control is the main thing I get from it.  (It is of course the focus of things for me)

The level of control it gives me and in the ways it gives it to me. It goes above and beyond just meeting any sexual desire or need. I don't do it for him, because he wants to, or because it is what he wants. (Although I don't have a problem if it is what he wants!) I do it for the reasons that I choose or want to, for what it gives to me, the level of control that it gives me and all the things that it brings to me and also into the relationship. I like the intimacy that it can bring. But ultimately I do it because I love it! I love the control of it!

I get other things from it too ~ I like to witness psychological changes that a man goes through in his denial. The way it alters his feelings, changes his patterns of behaviour, but also his attentitiveness. I like how you can use chastity to change and control these feelings and behaviours too.

For me, it isn't about long term denial of orgasms, (although I don't think a few months is too long) but I don't have a desire to move towards celibacy as that isn't what I want. Instead I want control over his body, the release that he may be granted and when and in what way. I like to deny just because I can, to push, to stretch, to tease and deny. To keep him simmering like a saucepan on a low heat, knowing that it keeps his interest, his drive and his longing.

It also fulfils needs for me in terms of my own sadistic needs and desires, it can be incredibly sexy and is a tool that can be used in a wonderful but also powerful way. It is done on MY terms, when I want, how I want and in what ways I want. Ultimately, it is very much about having control although, I get a great deal out of it, and more than I thought possible when I first explored it.

I know that many people do not often see what the other can get from something,  I get a whole lot from chastity, from denial, from having that control.  Mephista commented into the thread with this . . .

"It's not something I've ever really explored. To be honest I get so many memos from men wanting me to keep them in chastity that I find myself thinking "even when it's not about your cock, it's all about your cock".

What worries me about long term chastity is that I do occasionally like to have sex with my subs, and the last thing I want is a boy with a hair trigger response."

And I think so often we can be led to believe that implementing something into a dynamic would or could potentially lead to missing out on something that we enjoy, but it doesn't have to be the case.  The thing with chastity and denial is that it is something that the dominant really does have control over, to how it works, to how it fits, to when it takes place.  If she wants to have sex she can do, when she wants, chastity doesn't have to be about long term denial (and as I've mentioned before, that verges for me, to much on the edge of celibacy which is most definitely not what I want!)

But I think, Ms Valentine expressed it very well and as I totally agree with these thoughts I wanted to quote them here . .


"It is the absolute flexibility of sexual control which make sit so suitable to many D/s situations. One can use devices or not. One can require honour chastity. Chastity can be alternated with 'forced' orgasms, ruined orgasms, teasing and denial or any combination of them. I am sure there are things I haven't thought of which can be added to that basic set. One can have PIV sex because even if you like devices, all you have to do is take it off when you want sex.

In fact, chastity and sexual control can be used by any red blooded 'cock loving' dominant women who want to have a fully sexual relationship with a submissive male. Playing with chastity does not stop anything unless the woman herself wants it to be stopped. It is her choice. If she likes vaginal sex, she can have it and many of us certainly do want that. 

It is not unnatural to want a good fuck, no matter what the weird femdom orthodoxy would have us believe about how dominant women should interact with their sub. You know the stuff...no sex but oral, cuckold him with a 'real' man and never have his cock inside you and always strap a bit of plastic to your hips and fuck him saying you are taking your pleasure with him"

And this is something I wholly agree with.

Chastity has a great deal of flexibility to work within any dynamic, to any degree, whether it be dipping the toes in or something a lot more involved and extended.  I for one, love that flexibility that it gives for the control, but also the ways in which control can be given and indeed taken.  

There is so much about it that just works.

Just fits.

Aside from the sexual desires, the impact it can have on behaviour and attention, the changes that it can have upon the chastised and for the Dominant too.  There are many things that could be added, I am sure that many women would be able to add to the list of what it does for them or what is in it for them.

But there is endless things in it for the lady.

It is why I enjoy it and think it can play such a part within an FLR, or at least one for me!

Even though going back over time it was initially something that didn't overly appeal.  We discover, we learn and often just find something that works and is right for us.  We find out why it does and then we wonder why we didn't explore sooner LOL

I know what is in it for me.  I know that there's a whole lot in it for me . . .

And I love it! :)

When the fantasy becomes a reality . . .

"Walking away from everything" ~ how apt.

 My last blog entry HERE  is about my thoughts in terms of acceptance within an FLR that the fantasy of the male submissive is often very different to that of the female, but also often very different to the reality.

And this leads on from there in some respects, in that one thing that I am  no longer amazed or surprised at, is just how easy it is (for some) to run in the other direction at the first sign that the reality isn't like their fantasy. 

That when the reality is being truly felt, when it is not fantasy but a reality that it seems all too easy for the person to say "it's not for me". 

Life has issues.

It does for everyone. 

But if you are able to truly embrace the FLR, if you're able to be truly open and forthcoming in those issues or problems, with the one you are with, the dynamic is established in such a way where it can lift the pressure that may be apparent, that it can help when things are tough.  It can only do that if you allow it to, if you let it, if you're open to it.

Of course it won't do that if things aren't shared, if things are kept hidden or if a silence covers everything. 

It isn't just this way in FLRs.  It is the same as any relationship, regardless of whether it is vanilla, FLR or D/s, if you are open, if you share things, you can work through these things together in the "partnership" that exists.  You have the ability to have someone help you through, a neutral form of help, of guidance from someone who is there and wants the best for you.

Of course the reality is often different from reality, I've never pretended otherwise. 

But, what I have always said is important is for the openness and transparency which allows the dynamic but more so the relationship to grow, so that it can deal with any issues that may come along, whether it be health, personal, financial or any other issue, there is a way to work through it, with positivity and more so with guidance,  extra help and support to work through whatever may be occuring. 

However, for some, it is just easier to say "I can't do this" and head off in the other direction, and for the head to be buried in the sand, when the reality is, it isn't the dynamic that is causing the issues, it isn't the dynamic which is making life difficult, instead it could or can be the dynamic which can give you the positivity to resolve issues, to work through things, to have a positive outcome in the future.

There were times that I did ask the boy about whether the fantasy was what he wanted as his reality and I gave him (albeit foolishly in hindsight) the benefit of the doubt when he said that it was, when he said that it was what he wanted.  I gave the trust in his words and the commitment of them.  It leaves the declaration of "feelings" and "friendship" all so very empty, all so very meaningless.

I am not upset nor angry. 

Disappointed? Yes perhaps.  

I may wish that I had listened to the doubts, but life is an onward journey. 

I know the path I am walking. 

But as of now, the path for myself and "the boy" is a separate one.

Life is a journey. I know what I want. That hasn't ever changed.  I know what my reality is.

The reality didn't meet the fantasy. For him.

The boy.

Is no longer the boy. 

I wish him well.

Isn't that the point? (1)

Now, let me explain a little about the content of this (and what will be future) "isn't that the point" entries ~ one thing I have been finding from the boy during recent weeks is his ability to make statements relating to feelings, to emotions, to thoughts, to various different things about the dynamic, about his submitting and my Dominance which really ARE stating the obvious. 

These statements always come back to the answer . . ."that's the point" or  "isn't that the point" . . .because well . . .is IS the point!

Let me give you a little example of the boys stating of the obvious . . .

The other day we were talking and he said . . .

"you're so much . . . so . . . .not self centred . . . but . . .  .organised. . .  .and . . . in control . . .yes that's it. In control"

"um . . .yeah . . .isn't that the point?"

*laughs*

And it seems that a day doesn't go by when the boy doesn't come out with one of these little gems. They are in reality stating the obvious, pure and simple, but I cannot help but laugh at him when he makes these statements. 

But, they are just always statements which are the point. The point of WIITWD, the point of our dynamic, the point of the "relationship", the point of his submitting, the point of my being dominant and the point of my Dominating him.

Another example . . .

"Mistress .  . .you make me feel so submissive"

*laughs*

"Of course . .  .that is the point!"

And it is isn't it?

I do the things that I do, make him do the things that I do, make him suffer in the way that I do, control in the way that I do, frustrate, talk, dominate him (and so many more things) in the way that I do so that he is able to feel his submission, so he can truly feel submissive.

But that IS the point. 

It would be pretty pointless otherwise now wouldn't it?

50th day of denial.

Those who read my blog will know as far as the boy is concerned I do not count the days for which he has been denied. 

I have written previously about my thoughts and feelings on chastity and denial, why I like it and why it is (and always will be) a part of any relationship.  So I do not count how long I deny the boy for.

He does. 

And sometimes he will let me know "in passing" (although I know it is intentional) just how long it has been.

He did that today.

"the boy would also like to thank you for his 50th day of denial, to be denied by you is a wonderful feeling ! "

"50th day. Is that all? lol"

"It feels like 3 months Mistress"

"Feels like 3 months? Well the boy may well  know what it is like to be denied for 3 months. After all not much longer to wait"

*silence*

*laughs*

What is the boy expecting?

Does he want a medal? Does he want sympathy? Does he want a standing ovation?  Does he want an orgasm for being such a good boy?

It wouldn't have been 50 days if he had behaved as he should.  It wouldn't have been 50 days if he hadn't backchatted. It wouldn't have been 50 days if when given the chance to orgasm he then said he felt he didn't deserve to because he had been disrespectful.

So, while I may have denied him. It is his own fault it is 50 days. 

On a side note, 50 days without a device being in place is some achievement.  The boy had lots of chances to touch and edge last weekend to increase his levels of frustration.  But 50 days. The way the boy handles this extended denial despite the levels of frustration I know he feels does please me.  I am pleased with how he has accepted my control over his release, over when he can or cannot touch and I know that I push him hard beyond times many people would be able to "cope" with.

I wonder if he still regrets saying how much he wanted to explore long term denial?

*laughs*

Always expect the unexpected!!!

Always expect the unexpected.

Something I have told the boy right from the very beginning. 

The boy often says that he never knows what to expect, and then even if at times he has expected certain things, he has been left bewildered when they haven't come to fruition. 

As I say to him often, always expect the unexpected.

It is how it should be. The boy should never become complacent, he should never think that he will know what is coming his way.

He won't.

He should also know that I am and will always be at least one step ahead of him. That there are so many things that he says, even without saying them. That there are many things that he gives away without even realising it.

So, it was unexpected to the boy yesterday when he was given permission to edge more than once.  The boy has his own version of events which you can read on this link HERE. 

As is clear, from all of the entries in the boys blog and also ones I have made here in my own, the boy is going through extended denial.  In that I have total control of what he does, when he orgasms ( which in this case isn't often!), and if or when or where it happens.  It is for me, the control of it all that meets my needs, and it also meets my sadistic needs in seeing the boy suffer, hearing him scream in frustration, and it also gives me the chance to tease . . .and deny . . .and tease some more.

So, the boy hasn't been allowed to touch or orgasm for a while. 

I gave the boy the opportunity to edge when he went shopping last week, and the fact that he went into the toilets at the supermarket, took out my cock and edged in the cubicle just goes to show the levels of desperation of the boy, the fact that he will go to such depraved lengths to edge, to touch. 
(You can read about the boys reflections of that ~ including pics on this link HERE )

And it has become clear that the boy will do almost anything regardless of the risk, regardless of how potentially humiliating to be able to touch. 

It just goes to show the way desperation can make someone do anything, things they wouldn't normally do.  And it is this, in the sense of D/s that I love, the fact that the submissive will do almost anything to please, that the need to please will push the limits that may be in place, that it will push the boy to do almost anything for release ~ and that is the joy of chastity and denial.

So, I decided that yesterday, we would see just whether we can push those limits, to see just how desperate the boy is to touch, to edge, regardless of where it may be.

Both of us at work, we'd been in touch by text during the day.  The boy advised me he would be leaving work soon and I told him that he can edge before he reached home.  I wondered just where the boy would do it, and despite the risk of being seen, being caught, the boy stopped in a layby on the edge of the road, and edged in the car.  As he writes himself in the blog,

its also funny, that, something that was quite apparent when the boy pulled over, with the closeness, of passing vehicles, turned into an insignificance, once he had only one thing on his mind, he didn't care, he could have had people staring in through the windows, he wasn't interested, her cock, and reaching the edge, and her instruction was all that mattered to the boy, end of.

And it is that focus, that I like.

That the need of him to do as instructed comes before and above anything else, regardless of the consequences, regardless of what it may mean. 

And it is that control that I like. 

It is knowing that the boy will do whatever he has to, to follow instructions, to do as he is told, and to please.  It is knowing that the submissive need, the need to please comes above, beyond anything else. 

Such submission is a beautiful thing. 

It is a powerful thing. 

It is MY thing!

It didn't end there for the boy when he got home and went to walk the dog, I made him put his clamps in place. 

Knowing that he would be out walking for 20 minutes and that the clamps would bite, would hurt, and that with every step he would feel it.

And I knew that when he took them off the pain would bite even more.

It did exactly that. 

Now, I LOVE nipple torture.

I LOVE nipple clamps.

I think that they are just so simple, but wow, they can have such an effect, for something so small to be able to cause such pain, such torture, and to bring such feelings of submission.  They are one of my favourites.

And still it wasn't over for the boy.

Before dinner, I gave him permission to edge again. 

The sole purpose of making my denial of him even more felt, something to add and continue to build his levels of frustration.  There is always a plan to the things that I do.  I always know what I intend to happen and what I am doing and why I am doing it.

And, when we spoke later on the phone, I decided that we would use the clamps again. Again, he wasn't expecting it. But then as I started with the opening words of the blog ~ always expect the unexpected!

However, the boy couldn't find the clamps. 

And so, he had to go off and find them, I gave him two minutes. 

And I know just what having a timing can do. 

It makes you panic, thinking that oh my god, what is going to happen if they aren't found, where are they and no matter how hard you look you can't find them.  I know from my own experience in the past, what that panic feels like, to have a certain length of time to find something and then not being able to.  I laughed at the boy, I could sense his panic, I could hear him getting frustrated because he couldn't find them, I could hear him cursing and throwing things around trying to find them.  And the more he was panicking the more I was quietly laughing to myself.

He finally found them. Out of time. Too bad.

So, instead of them being attached to his nipples, I made him attach one to the foreskin of my cock and the other clamp to one of his balls.  Hearing the pain he was in, just made me laugh at him.  My sadistic side really does come out at times, and it grows all of the time with the boy. 

"You really are sadistic Mistress"

*laughs* "Am I?"

"Yes Mistress"

"Oh dear!"

*laughs*

Am I sadistic?

Yes. I think I probably am.

When the boy told me that the clamp on his ball wasn't hurting that much, I made him switch it to his nipple, the other still attached to the foreskin of my cock.  I made him pull on the chain.  Hearing him suffer. Hearing his breathing change.  Hearing quite clearly the pain the boy was feeling.

*laughs*

"It hurts" the boy whimpered.

"Ohhhhh dear"

*laughs*

I responded with no sympathy and accompanied by another laugh.  I do like to laugh at the boys suffering, hearing him in pain, knowing that I am causing that pain even if by instruction rather than physically.  I told the boy that he can leave them there until I orgasm.  And then just to torture him even more, I stopped what I was doing. 

The realisation came to the boy that while I had been "playing", that I had stopped just so he would endure the pain and the discomfort for longer.

"Mistress has stopped"

*evil laughs*

"Indeed I have"

*laughs*


I finally give in and allow the boy to remove them.  Hearing the pain he is in when he does, just makes me feel even more sadistic. It makes me want to hurt him all the more. And the boy knows it too.

"You would pull so much harder wouldn't you Mistress?"

As if the boy really needs to ask that question LOL except, the boy has unleashed a hidden beast within me. The hidden beast that is my sadism. The need I have to hurt the boy.  It grows constantly. It is just like a hidden beast, prowling awaiting to be let out.

Always expect the unexpected, because there's no knowing when the beast (or anything else for that matter) may appear!

Give me MORE!!!!

“Man is the only animal whose desires increase as they are fed; the only animal that is never satisfied.” ~Henry George

Is this true?

Is man the only animal whose desires increase as they are fed?

The only animal that is never satisfied? 

Who knows in relation to other animals and if in "man" it means "humans" regardless of gender, then yes it could quite be true.
 

It is certainly true for me ~ "feed me" and my desires, my longings, my needs are felt and grow, keep growing . . .keep wanting and desiring and wanting more, to a point where I am not satisfied, or that it takes even more to reach a level of satisfaction.

I think this would also be true for the boy. 

But his desires are increasing because he is denied. 


Is being denied the same as being fed?


Yes, I believe it quite possibly is . . .denial, chastity, being controlled, is feeding his needs as a submissive.  All of those things feed the need he has to submit, to be controlled and to give himself over to another.
So, in that way, his being denied is his being fed. My denial of him, feeds his submissive needs and desires, and in turn, that denial increases those desires.  And in turn my control over him, meets my needs, and "feeds" my desires.

The quote suggests that the more that someone is "fed" the more they desire.  It doesn't of course make any suggestion to how, or what man is fed.  But, even if being "fed" is being denied, it increases a desire. It increases the boy's desire.  My denial of him changes his focus, and his desire to touch, to edge, to orgasm builds with every minute of denial.  But yet, he is never satisfied sexually because he is denied.  Whereas with me, I am just never satisfied LOL 

A lot of D/s relationships, a lot of FLRs or WLMs often have a situation where the submissive is restricted from having an orgasm, or that they can only have one within certain conditions.  Of course, such denial can be a wonderful thing, it is often like it is for me, just plain enjoyable to wield such control and power over the pleasure (or not) of another, and of course, the submissive who submits to that control. 

And this is often one of the differences between men and women.  In the fact that often with women, the more they are denied, the longer they can go without it that their desires do not build but the desire dissipates to a level where there is no desire at all or it is very minimal.  I know from my own experiences that extended periods of time without sexual contact or denial has this effect. 

But for the boy, for men, it does make them hungry, it does make them desire it more, it does make them sex starved and get to a place where they will do almost anything for the even slightest chance of release.  And I see that with the boy.

I know for me that being denied doesn't make me hungry, it doesn't make me desire more.  It doesn't make me sex starved.  In fact, it has the opposite effect.  If I am “fed” then I want more. I need more.  It makes me hungry, it makes me want as much as I can get, if I have one orgasm I want a dozen, as many as I can get, as many as I want.  I simply cannot get enough, and if I am “fed” my desires increase to way beyond what may even be considered the “norm” (whatever the norm is)  Yet if I have any period of time where I am without, that desire, the hunger dissipates.

I love how denial creates the desire in the boy, of how it makes him want more.  And I love how my being "fed" with orgasms, with pleasure, with his submission makes me want it all the more.  It feeds my desire, my longings, my needs.  My denying him feeds his needs.

And right now, I have a hunger.

A hunger that is desperate to be fed.  A hunger that simply won’t be satisfied. 


So feed me, give it to me. Give me more!

Continued denial . . .

Well, the boy continues in his extended period of denial. 

Extended even beyond what I had intended due to his behaviour or more so inappropriate behaviour, he blogs HERE each and every day about his feelings in relation to his continued denial, and I honestly cannot tell you how long it is he has been denied for.

But then, you will also know, that I do not care how long he has actually been denied for.  Counting is one thing I have never done and I don't intend to start doing so now either.  The boy will remain denied for as long as I choose, for as long as I want. And if he does anything like he has done recently, his period of denial will continue to be extended!

There have been a couple of times in the past couple of weeks, most notably the day he asked to watch the rugby and spoiled my fun with his inappropriate comment which prevented him from being able to touch, to edge but more so to orgasm, I think that is even approaching a week or more ago.

Then there was the other night, after I made the effort to call the boy, my daytime routine is so busy and I hadn't been able to find so much time to talk to the boy.  But, instead of the boy appreciating it, he decided to behave like a child. 

Not only did this lead to an extension to the being denied an orgasm, it really did make me question whether there is any point at times in taking things further with the boy.  The boy is very aware of my thoughts regarding this, and he is fully aware that if he does what he did again, that seriously will have a BIG implication on anything of the "future".

He says he has learnt so much, lets hope he has learned that I mean what I say, and lets hope he doesn't find out the hard way! 

But his denial has and will continue.

I do not care how long it is.  I still do not count.  I have no intention of even beginning to. 

But, unless the boy stops doing the things that he is doing, it will continue way beyond even I had thoughts of. 

I read his chastity blogs that he writes, where he expresses his frustrations, where he expresses how he is struggling not to touch, how he longs to, how he is finding it so hard.  The boy knows he will not get any sympathy from me.  He knows I do not do sympathy.  He also knows that I can be very hard when it comes to such things and that his whinging, his pleading, his moaning will only push me to deny him further.

Why do I?

Yes of course it is because I can. 

But it is because I choose to.

It is because I have that control over him, something he hasn't had controlled in this way before and it really does for me, come down to the control aspects. 

Not so much the act itself, not so much that I deny his orgasms, not even so much that I control when he edges, when he touches, or if he doesn't. It is the fact that I control it. That I choose how, when, or not at all.  And it is that whole aspect of control which is why I enjoy and get so much from chastity and denial.

The boy did comment the other day that it had been 5 weeks since his last orgasm the other day, and I told him in passing "Oh you're one 10th of the way there", he didn't say a lot at the time, but yesterday when we were talking actually came and made a comment that it would mean 50 weeks without an orgasm!   He then went on to comment that he is unsure of whether I am joking, or whether I was in fact being serious.  He doesn't really need to ask!

I mean, has it really taken him that long to work it out LOL

I do wonder about the boy sometimes you know. 

And so my denial of him continues.  And it isn't so much that it has been so many days since he touched or edged or orgasmed, it is all about the control and the fact I control his denial, and how long it continues for. 

It will continue. But for how long, only time will tell!

Engage Brain!

The boy, has a tendency to come out with the most stupid of comments, statements or questions at times.  There are times my jaw will hit the floor at the lack of thought, or the sheer desperation of how darn stupid some of them are.  I can quite literally shake my head!

He may have learned some things, he keeps telling me he has learnt so much, but certainly do not include engaging his brain in that list!!!   Engaging it before he speaks, before he comes out with those statements, comments or questions is just something he has not mastered yet!

Take last friday.

The boy asked permission to be able to watch the rugby and in doing so would either be late online to chat or wouldn’t be there at all.  Fine, I said that was perfectly ok as I had plans for the evening anyway.  I did tell him to expect something out of the ordinary and that it would make his rugby experience far more interesting.

“why is there always a forfeit involved”

Forfeit?

Who said anything about a forfeit being involved? 

I had simply said that I was going to make his rubgy match more interesting.

Why would it be a forfeit?

It could be a treat, it could have been something nice.  I already had planned exactly what I was going to do with the boy, or indeed more so to the point what he was going to be doing.  But, just accepting, just isn’t something that the boy seems to be able to do.

Home life, is always busy with me, the boy is more than aware of that and as such my limited times in the evenings mean that the early part is spending doing all of the “normal” home and family things.  I was quite aware that the rugby was on, but with my son being around, I had fully intended to wait for half time and the second half. 

Was the boy patient enough to wait?

Was he hell!

Instead I got a text from the boy simply stating “Good mind fuck Mistress”

It hadn’t been a mindfuck. 

It wasn't a case that I had nothing planned and that it was just a passing comment of mine earlier that day.  I always have something planned. 

It was a mindfuck in the sense that he didn’t know what I had planned, but there was and always was a plan . . .I always had an intention of something happening. He just didn’t know what . . .or when.

Exactly how it should be.

But instead of waiting. Instead of accepting. The boy comes out with his comment.  A totally unappreciated comment at that!

So. I sent a response back to the boy, telling him that I did have plans, but because of his comment he was going to miss out and not to text back further.  I was at the time, really pissed off with the boys comment, his little “push” of a text. I didn't want to hear from him any further that evening.

And his comment, pushed me in the direction of denying the boy all that had been planned, that included the opportunity to edge. To release. To orgasm. TOUGH!

And you would think, that the boy would learn.

Except he doesn’t!

And we had chatted on the phone yesterday evening when I surprised him.  I actually felt sorry for the boy at one point when it was realised just how long it had been since we’d had a conversation on the phone and such contact.  I had decided at that time that I would give the boy a treat when he contacted me to say goodnight.

That contact never came.

Again, the boy has missed out.  The boy maybe hasn’t learnt yet. 

He will. 

He will learn to use his brain, to engage it first.

If he doesn’t, he is the only one that will miss out.  Frustrated or not, it will only get worse if he doesn't. 

I don't miss out. 

I don't care whether he is denied further or not. I don't care if he misses out. 

And although the boy said it was the worst punishment finding out what he had been denied after the event, I don't care about that either.

The boy WILL learn.

head . . bang . . .wall . . .!

The boy, has a habit of asking questions.

And that is fine, in the right way, at the right time, the boy can ask whatever he likes.  He knows that if there's something he wishes to ask specifically that he will ask permission to ask a question.

But sometimes . . . sometimes you are just left wondering why he has just asked the same question for the 10th time!  Or, why has he just asked the question that he has . . .

I can sometimes sit here and literally shake my head in disbelief at him asking the same question he's asked before again. Or asking a question which really is beyond silly.  Sometimes it can be just like a child who doesn't realise they have asked it before, or that they have, but the answer just hasn't sunk in!

The boy has been given a written task for his most recent punishment, fitting for the reason he was given, especially as the boy had been expecting to be on the receiving end of some pain or similar just as he had been before.  But no, the boy is completing a written task about a certain punishment that he will then be on the receiving end at the end of the time limit for the task.

He was given plenty of opportunity to ask questions, whatever ones he needed to so that he understood what has been asked of him, of what he is to do.

I wondered at the time how long it would be until he began asking questions, I knew in all honesty it wouldn't be long. 

It wasn't. 

It was 48 hours.

Sometimes I wonder if the boy takes in the things that he is told or asked to do.  He is well aware of the fact I like detail, I like things done properly and would expect nothing less, and I am happy to answer questions he may ask, but when I gave him the time to do so, and made sure he had no other questions. 

It is quite literally like banging your head against a brick wall and well, a little frustrating at times!

But even then, when he was asking the question, he kept insisting that I had said something about how to do it, when I hadn't at all.  And I kept saying to him that I didn't say that, and it was like it wasn't even entering into his head!

The boy, will learn to listen to instructions, to take it in, to make notes if necessary.  He will also learn, that his asking questions when he was given the earlier opportunity will not help him, in fact, will only add to the planned punishment that he is facing at the end of the written task.

The boy will learn. 

It may be the hard way, but he will get there in the end.

But I felt like banging my head against the brick wall when last nights questions came. 

Even to the point where only a couple of hours earlier he commented that he had read my blog and wouldn't be asking that question again . . .only to then, be asking the same question but with different words a short time later.

Now where is that wall? 

The boys ongoing denial

I don't normally like "cartoon" pictures, but couldn't find one I liked which really fitted this blog . . .however, this cartoon . . .is VERY apt in terms of the boy, his chastity and my denial of him! LOL

I know when he and I first talked about it, he would have no idea that his extended denial would be to the extent that it is, that it has been, that it will continue to be so!

But the boy and I were chatting the other day and he said that he had meant to mention something that I had written in my blog here regarding my denial of him,

"What about it?"

"Where you said you don't know how long the boy has been denied for Mistress"

"Well, I don't"

"The boy knows you can be dismissive, but do you not know how long you keep him in denial for Mistress?"

"Nope.!"

"Do I count? Nope.
"Do I know how long you've not touched for? Nope."
"Do I know how long it is since you had an orgasm, ruined or otherwise? Nope"


"And you don't care either do you Mistress, as in the denial you hold of him Mistress?"

"Nope"

And I don't. Count.

The boy mentioned it again last night, about my not knowing or counting.  I wonder if he mentions it in the hope that I may feel sorry for him and allow him a little touch.  Will I feel sorry for him? Highly unlikely.  Will it make me give in and allow him to touch, to edge, to orgasm? No, in fact its likely to have the opposite effect and make me deny him for longer! The boy has learned not to ask for such, he also knows that if he is given permission to, that he still has to ask permission to cum. 


He asked me last night if I knew how long I was going to deny him for this time.

"I have no idea" was my response. 

Because I don't.

And most of the time in all honesty, I don't actually even think about his denial.  That isn't because I do not care (as per my previous blog entry HERE about being indifferent), but just the way it is. 

But the boy also knows and is learning, exactly what comes from his denial, the place that it has within a D/s relationship, even the place it has and will have in an FLR.  As the boy commented himself the other night, it makes him feel submissive, it gives him butterflies.  It arouses him.  Yes it makes him frustrated, adds to the frustration that is a natural part of chastity and denial, but it also arouses him that I treat him in this way, the fact that I do not count, do not care.

I know being denied something that you've always had the ability to do as and when you want is not easy.  It is even harder in the fact that he does not wear a device.  I know that being denied isn't easy, and that the frustration builds up.  I like the boy frustrated. I like the focus chastity and denial brings. And I want that focus from the boy.  But, the boy is also realising just how he can truly feel the depths of his submissive self and that chastity and denial is a part of that, that it does have a place. 

In my relationships, it always will.

The boy counts. He often mentions it in his blog. 

Not that I take a lot of notice of the figures or the numbers or the days.

I don't.

I just deny him. End of.

Dismissive or Indifference

The boy will often comment on how dismissive I am.

Dismissive of his feelings, dismissive of his frustrations, his longings, his wants. Dismissive of how long he has been denied for, dismissive of how much he may long for something. 

He is right.

I know that I can be very dismissive.

I know that I AM dismissive. 

But being dismissive isn't the same thing in my opinion as being indifferent.  I may be very dismissive of many things as far as the boy is concerned, but I am not indifferent.

It isn't because I do not care. 

I do. 

Would I do all that I do if I didn't?  Would I waste my time? My energy?
Of course I wouldn't!

The definition of indifference (noun) or Indifferent (adjective) is without care or interest: showing no care or concern for or interest in somebody or something. 

While I may show no concern at the boys feelings, at his frustrations, I do in fact "care", care about how he feels, care about how is feeling, care about how I make him feel. 

There will be times when he will do things and that I will not take a lot of notice of what he is doing, for example, I may have him worship my feet while watching TV or reading, not acknowledging what he is doing. 

This isn't indifference either, because even though I may pay no attention, I do care about what he is doing, I care how he does it, I care that he does it right. Just because I do not choose to acknowledge his actions, that isn't my being indifferent.

Being dismissive is in my opinion so very different than being indifferent. The defintion of dismissive (adjective) or dismiss (transitive verb) is a refusal to consider or give consideration to something.

And that is exactly what I do.

If the boy tells me he is frustrated and I just say "Oh well", it is my refusing to give consideration to those frustrations and ultimately the things that I know he is longing for. 

It isn't because I do not care he is frustrated, it isn't because I do not "care" about the boy. 

I think people often get dismissiveness and indifference confused and that sometimes people bring into the mix the lack of acknowledgement of something to be either someone being dismissive or indifferent.  And I think they are all different things.

I am dismissive of the boy. I am often dismissive of his feelings. But I am not indifferent. 

I DO care.

If I didn't care then my response to him would be very different. 

And it would be more a case of this . .

"May I have permission to do X Mistress ?"
"Do what you want."

"But if I do this, is that ok?"
"whatever"

"May I do this for you"
"Only if you want . . . "

Now that is being indifferent.

Now that is not caring.

To me, if I were to be indifferent, it would be because I didn't care and if I didn't care then I wouldn't be bothered, and such a situation is what leads to the downfall of any relationship. That cannot be bothered situation. That I don't care what you do or what happens. 

But I do care. Care about what happens, what he does and indeed how he does it.  If I didn't care, it wouldn't bother me what the boy did, how he did it, it wouldn't bother me if he did something wrong or didn't listen to instructions and follow them through.  But it DOES bother me. I DO care about all of those things.

And so when the boy mentioned the other night that I seemed to have gotten more strict, that I seemed to not letting the boy get away with anything, that is how it should be.  If I were to let him "get away with it", then that would be my showing indifference.

My showing that I really actually do not care. 

I read a blog somewhere the other day and forgive the fact that I cannot link to it, where the submissive had said "She punishes me because she cares" and that is exactly it. 

If I didn't punish, it would be because I didn't actually care what the boy did, it would be my being indifferent. 

Letting things "go", isn't caring, it isn't showing someone more love or being kinder, it is in reality, letting things slip.

It shows an indifference.

A lack of caring. A lack of concern. 

I don't think "letting things go" within any relationship, but certainly not a D/s or even an FLR relationship is an expression of affection, love, concern, or control.

And it is indifference which is often the start to the downward turn of a relationship, the point when you stop caring is the point where things stop working. It is the point where you just don't give a shit about what happens or in what way.

So, yes, I may be dismissive.

But I am not indifferent.

And if I were.

It would be the end of whatever it was.

And I wouldn't care that it was.

I need to . . .

A very late night.

A few hours sleep.

A nightime text conversation with someone from the past brings thoughts to the surface, memories of things from the past.

"Vanilla times".

Yet none of the times of mine in the past were or have ever really been "vanilla".  Not D/s. Not S&M, but certainly not vanilla either.

Vanilla maybe with adventure. 

Adventurous sex, adventurous fucking.  Dirty sex. Animalistic sex.  Lots of it. But certainly LOTS of kink.

Memories of the first "date", the long lingering eye contact over the drink, neither of us wanting to be there, knowing what was to come the moment we would get home.  But not actually waiting until we got home!

Memories of that first time, the first kiss, the first fuck.  The first time that he forced his wonderfully large circumcised cock deep into my arse.  The first time I took him deep into my mouth and down into my throat. The first time he filled me with his cum, the first time I forced his head down between my legs to lick it all out.  The first time he pulled my hair. The first time I pulled his.  The first time he spanked me.  The first time I tortured his cock.  The first time he fisted my cunt.

Lots of wonderful, downright fucking horny memories.

Fuck!

I needed to cum.

I needed a release, a nice deep, orgasm!  

Where is the boy when I need him?!

Too far away to be able to do anything about it.  I sent him a text, telling him to edge for 10 minutes. I wanted the boy aroused, I wanted the boy frustrated, I wanted the boy to be on the edge when I called him.

He edged. He told me he had finished.

I call.

Hear his voice, his sighs, his frustrations. 

And fuck it makes me horny all over again, I want that first time all over again, the first kiss, the first fuck, I want to feel his tongue deep in my arse. I need to cum.

The boy knows what I am about to do. He knows. I know.

I play, while we talk.

The large vibrator deep into my cunt that has been getting decidedly more wet all morning. 

The smaller one deep into the arse where I want to feel the boys tongue.  Another one on my clit that is hard and throbbing.  Yes I am greedy. I don't care.

And the boys frustration is heard and felt.

I don't care about that either.  

I know how much I tease him, I know how much it frustrates him, but I know how much he loves to hear it, I know how it makes him feel and it makes me want to do it all of the more. 

And I want to cum.

And fuck I am horny, and fuck I am wet.

And fuck I need to cum.


And I hear him sigh, I hear his frustrations and I am talking to the boy, using him for my own pleasure even from a distance, using him to make me cum, knowing that he cannot, knowing that it will just add to the frustrations he has already told me are beyond what he has ever known.

And I do.

I cum.

The juices shooting out over the vibrator that is deep within my cunt.

And I needed that.  

We lose connection.

But, I've got what I wanted.  I used the boy in the way that I needed.  The boy still remains denied.

I feel better for that.

Does he? Probably not.

Do I care? No.

This "phone thing" has never really been my thing. But I like it at the moment. It's one of the options we have while distance and life keeps us apart and only getting together when we can.  (I Hate that!) but  I like that I can torment him in this way, when I need to, when I want to. That I can use him in this way.

After all, that is what he is there for.