"are you thirsty?"
"yes"
"yes what?"
"yes Mistress I am thirsty"
His eyes filled with fear as I take him by the hand and lead him to the bathroom. His eyes filled with confusion as he couldn't understand what was happening, or why I was taking him there. I squeezed his hand as a sign of reassurance, but knowing that it wasn't going to reassure him at all.
"It's ok, I'm just getting you a drink"
"Thank you"
His voice struggling to be heard, his eyes looking down at his feet. I let go of his hand, reaching towards him and removed the top he was wearing, his arms shifting by his sides, his fingers clasping tightly with uncertainty.
"Lie down on your back"
He hesitates, and I reach forward and push pressure on his shoulders, making him go down to his knees before he moves himself onto his arse, and lying down. I stand over him, peering down at him and watch him for what for him, felt like the longest of times but was moments only.
He closes his eyes but I can still see his eyeballs moving quickly behind his eyelids.
"Open your eyes"
I speak gently to him. I want to see the expression in his eyes, I need to be able to see the battles he is having within, the longing, the need, and the place that he goes to. But I know he is unsure of what is to come, we haven't done this before. Or at least I haven't with him.
"It's ok baby"
I whisper to him. And then tell him to open his mouth.
I am still standing over him, straddling him from a height. My stockinged legs placed either side of his head. He doesn't know where to look, if he looks straight up he will see my naked cunt, and he is going through some sort of battle of wanting to look but being embarrassed to do so. I smile at his shyness, I smile at the fact that he is doing this for me. I smile that he looks so vulnerable led there beneath me. I smile that although is head is telling him not to do it, that his heart, that his need to submit and please is giving him the strength to be there at that moment.
I lower myself down slightly.
"Open your mouth wide ~ you won't be thirsty for much longer"
The realisation of what is about to come his way hits home. His face filling with a sense of panic.
"I'm not thirsty"
"oh come come now, you were a moment ago, so that hasn't changed has it?"
He nods.
"I think you're telling little fibs"
*laughs*
He shakes his head.
"just open your mouth"
The battle continues within his head, I can see this is pushing a limit for him, but a limit he wanted me to push. I am not going to let the negative battle in his head win and try to reassure him.
"It's ok, it's going to be ok, now open your mouth for me, like a good boy"
He smiles at hearing those words, the affirmation of what he is. And just as he does, I begin to relieve myself. The warm liquid flowing into his mouth, splashing over his face, his eyes filling with his own tears. His cock twitching from the humiliation of being made to drink this way, from me.
He begins to choke, not being able to handle the amount of liquid that is coming from me, I laugh at him gently. He is trying to swallow, trying to take as much into his mouth as he can, the rest falling over his face, wetting his hair and the mat that he is led on.
"There's a good boy" I whisper to him as I reach down to touch his head, touching his cheek, wiping up a splash from his face and giving him my finger to suck.
He does so eagerly, tasting me.
Wanting more he looks up at me, begging with his eyes
"please Miss, may I have more"
"Maybe JoJo. Maybe"
The boy, has a habit of asking questions.
And that is fine, in the right way, at the right time, the boy can ask whatever he likes. He knows that if there's something he wishes to ask specifically that he will ask permission to ask a question.
But sometimes . . . sometimes you are just left wondering why he has just asked the same question for the 10th time! Or, why has he just asked the question that he has . . .
I can sometimes sit here and literally shake my head in disbelief at him asking the same question he's asked before again. Or asking a question which really is beyond silly. Sometimes it can be just like a child who doesn't realise they have asked it before, or that they have, but the answer just hasn't sunk in!
The boy has been given a written task for his most recent punishment, fitting for the reason he was given, especially as the boy had been expecting to be on the receiving end of some pain or similar just as he had been before. But no, the boy is completing a written task about a certain punishment that he will then be on the receiving end at the end of the time limit for the task.
He was given plenty of opportunity to ask questions, whatever ones he needed to so that he understood what has been asked of him, of what he is to do.
I wondered at the time how long it would be until he began asking questions, I knew in all honesty it wouldn't be long.
It wasn't.
It was 48 hours.
Sometimes I wonder if the boy takes in the things that he is told or asked to do. He is well aware of the fact I like detail, I like things done properly and would expect nothing less, and I am happy to answer questions he may ask, but when I gave him the time to do so, and made sure he had no other questions.
It is quite literally like banging your head against a brick wall and well, a little frustrating at times!
But even then, when he was asking the question, he kept insisting that I had said something about how to do it, when I hadn't at all. And I kept saying to him that I didn't say that, and it was like it wasn't even entering into his head!
The boy, will learn to listen to instructions, to take it in, to make notes if necessary. He will also learn, that his asking questions when he was given the earlier opportunity will not help him, in fact, will only add to the planned punishment that he is facing at the end of the written task.
The boy will learn.
It may be the hard way, but he will get there in the end.
But I felt like banging my head against the brick wall when last nights questions came.
Even to the point where only a couple of hours earlier he commented that he had read my blog and wouldn't be asking that question again . . .only to then, be asking the same question but with different words a short time later.
Now where is that wall?
I LOVE limits.
I love how people have them and how those limits change with a deepening mindset. That as the need to submit grows, the need to please comes above and beyond so many things, that those limits that were once limits, or things which someone would never thought they would do, get pushed and happen.
This has been the case with the boy. The boy commented how it maybe difficult over Christmas time due to the reduced amount of contact we would have, both of us spending the holidays with our respective families, knowing that we would be limited to text contact or an occasional chat on the phone.
We had talked about the levels of control that I am taking, and that day by day that level goes higher and higher. The boy often talks about how he is addicted to being controlled in this way, addicted to his Mistress and the way in which I push him, frustrate him. But I also know how difficult it can be when you crave that contact and it isn't there, and how hard it can be to then keep focus or to always feel that ownership.
I wanted the boy, regardless of where we were over the Christmas period to remember exactly what he is, to remember exactly who has control of him, his body, his actions.
I wanted him to have something that would serve as a reminder, that even if we didn't have contact, that I was there, that I was still controlling him.
When the boy packed to go away I told him to take the hold up stockings I had him purchase just before Christmas and some pegs. No intention to use the pegs particularly unless he pissed me off. But full intentions of using the stockings and making him wear them. (The boy later commented on returning home that he could see now that the pegs had simply been a mind fuck!) *grins*
I knew, that this would be a limit for the boy, wearing his stockings while with his family. That even though he had worn them out while shopping that wearing them while with his family would put him through a whole range of emotions and feelings. Fear, humiliation, the not knowing if people would notice.
Especially when he had said that while wearing them to the shop his mind was playing games telling him that they were falling down. And that he had to keep checking. He had to keep checking on Christmas Day to and this all helped to serve as a reminder to the boy. Just as planned. Just as I had hoped and intended.
To be honest, there was a part of me that knew the boy would do as he was told. The ever growing need to submit and please, his level of subservience becomes clearer by the day, but there was also a part of me that knew I was on the edge of a limit for him and I did wonder if he would say "I cannot do it".
I casually mentioned in a text that he was to wear them for the day.
During the day, the boy sent me a photograph of him wearing the stockings.
He wrote his own thoughts and feelings about having to wear them in this blog HERE and when we talked on the phone on the evening of Christmas Day, I knew that it hadn't been an easy thing to do, that it really had been a limit the boy had pushed.
I was pleased with the boy. Pleased with what he had done because he had wanted to please me. How can anyone not be? How can anyone not love that response to an instruction? How can anyone not love having that control over someone?
I do and I do love it.
It was clear at that moment that the boys need to submit and please has reached a level where it goes above and beyond many things, and that is something incredibly wonderful. And it did show to me the depths of the boys submission, the level of control that exists to this point and just how much I will be able to push the boy.
The boy however, was expecting a reward that evening, of being given permission to touch my cock or to edge for being such a good boy. One thing the boy will learn is that making hints at me, will not work. Making suggestions or "demands" however subtle will not work. That I will decide the rewards he receives, that it may not even for him seem a reward at all.
The boy will learn my indifference.
But the boy will learn just how his actions please me and in the ways that they please me. But that reward may come simply from being told he is a good boy, and that it may not come with some huge gesture.
Cruel?
Dismissive?
Maybe to some. In fact probably to a lot of people. But then people will see that this is my way, that there will always be positive reinforcement, praise, but that also goes side by side with indifference, dismissiveness.
But, the boy pushed a limit I didn't think he would, but he did. One of many limits that will be found and pushed, limits that will disappear with his ever growing need to submit and to please.
And he did, the boy pleased me.
The boy did good. *smiles*
