16 July 2015

Passing by in a blur

It passes by in a blur.

Life that is.

It has this habit of digging its feet into the mud and kicking up lots of crap that puts up a screen, it makes you lose focus, it stops you doing the things you want to do and the things that you have to do or must do take over.  

You lose sight, often of things which are still important as the other things take over.  You put on a back burner things that were once bubbling nicely.  You have to put on hold things that you really didn't want to.

Not because you want to.  But because you have no choice.

It has been like that for me this year.  Not just the past month or two, but the whole year.  The chance, the time, the motivation and the inspiration to write, has been missing.  The chance for many things has been missing.

Life is what happens. 

And of course it does. It has to.

But something has to give.  Yes, of course, you must prioritise and take care of things that must be taken care of.  The necessary things.  You have to fight through the things that you have to battle through. 

But something will happen that will make you STOP! and realise that things have to change, and that to enable that to happen, you have to make those changes.

That other things are important too.

That there are other important things that are needed in life, aside from the important, aside from those battles.  To ensure that those things that have just been on simmer can be brought back to the boil, so that there is time not only to do the things that you want to, but to enjoy them too.

Some things you just cannot prepare for.  Some things you just can't stop happening.  But, something has to give.

The past months have been filled with levels of stress that I've not had or known for a long while.  the insomnia is at its worst for as long as I can remember.

 But, with all this going in, it also brings home the void that is there, the void which I want but more so NEED to fill. It brings to the forefront what is missing, it shows you that life is passing by in one big blur. And it shouldn't.

While it is all under control (it has to be with me!) the time is coming when changes are being made.

Big changes.  Life changing changes.  

*I* am making those changes. I am taking control of those changes and what is happening to make it happen.

I took a moment to stop and smell the roses. 

An enforced time out which gave me time to do nothing but think. 

And that short time, of nothing more than a few hours gave a moment of clarity that hasn't been able to be there for so many months.

It was a wake up call for me that made me realise that I have to make some changes, not least to sort out the stress levels, but to fill that void, to make changes to life in a positive way.

It is no good just to "live".  I need to be "alive", I need to feel alive.  I need to LIVE.

Life is passing by in a blur.

I want to see life passing and enjoy it passing. I don't want to get to a point and wake up and see that I've missed the whole journey.  I don't want to get to a point and realised that I should have been sharing that journey.

It's time to make changes.


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  2. A friend of mine has a poignant expression "expensive money". I don't know whether the stress you are experiencing is anything to do with a drive for a certain standard of living. If so then the phrase may be relevant.