08 April 2017


We heard the news yesterday, that the coroner has released the body following the death of my friend.  A moment of sadness, but also a moment which means that family and friends can now make plans to say a final farewell.  A farewell to someone who was special to a lot of people.

They were a friend, who had touched life in many different ways.

Every person you encounter in your life, whether it is significant or not, leaves an imprint on your soul… from the tiniest speck to a small mark to a huge spot. Sometimes they are like wounds that need time to heal, and sometimes they are like kisses that you wish you had more of. Everyone is important…they help to shape us to be the people that we need to be to be able find our true happiness.

They couldn't find their happiness in life and that makes my heart ache so very much for them.  They used to say be who you are, believe in yourself, be the person that you want to be and you will find happiness and ultimately the person you are meant to share it with.  My heart aches that they never found that happiness.

They once said to me, enjoy the journey in getting to that place, enjoy the people you encounter along the way.  Each person comes into life for a reason even if we may not see it at the time, they may be there for only a short period of time, but there's still a reason, it just may take us time to figure out what that reason is.  And sometimes, that reason may not bring happy times, it may bring sadness and heartache and pain and that makes it doubly hard to ever understand why that person has come into our lives. 

We shared this conversation again on the night before they took their life, and their words echo in my mind.

And this parting comment . . .

There will be a time that journey will reach it's destination, a moment when you are truly happy, when you are loving but more so truly loved back, then you will know that you have arrived at your destiny, that the people you've met along the way were only part of that journey, and when you find that happiness, that love, know that it's your destiny and you've arrived at your destination.  If you're not truly loved back, if you're not truly happy, then it's not the destination and the journey is not over.

My friend was part of my journey, a journey where I've not reached my destination . . . their words will remain with me always, I wish that they were still taking their own journey, but hope with all my heart, that in their destination they are at peace.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Kat,

    My hope for you is that you will find that destiny, and that there you will be with the person who loves you as much as you will them, someone who is truly worthy of you, your love and your heart.

    My own heart aches for you, we know that your life has witnessed so much loss and I know the anniversary of losing your Mum is very close too.

    You will find that destiny, you will reach your destination, I just wish that the marks left on your soul and on your heart weren't ones that have brought you so much pain, loss and sadness.

    You are an incredible woman, with a depth of emotion we don't often see, that even though you have sadistic needs that there is a deep need for a depth of an emotional connection. You will find someone who feels in that same way too, not people who pretend to feel, but someone who genuinely feels to the depths you want and need.

    You know that it's possible as you've experienced that depth before, there's nothing to say you won't feel it again, just that as yet the people on this journey either aren't capable of it, aren't emotionally available or are scared of feeling to the depth they truly could.

    I wish nothing but the best for you.

    Yours, as always A x