29 April 2014

Level 3? WTF?!


I receive an email from someone commenting on what "level" of FLR I follow.  I mean, what is that all about?  WTF?

My relationships are female led. End of. They don't go to any particular level they just are.  I was curious to how he was suggesting I was a level 3 and then realised that he'd probably read some "guide" or some online blurb about how we fit into neat little tick boxes and fit into certain levels with these things that we do.

And yes. I was right.

He sent me a link to "What is FLR" and there, it attempts to "define" what constitutes an FLR! Why are people so hellbent on trying to "define" the things that we do, trying to label, trying to fit everyone into little tick boxes of how we are or must be to be Dominant, or submissive and that if we don't do X, Y or Z we aren't either.  Why?

This article does say they created these four levels for discussion, but people, especially those who are new, exploring and trying to discover, take these things so literally.  But what pisses me off, is that people then take this "stuff" they read and insist it is how it is.

He couldn't get past the thought that because I don't do something, I couldn't be a level 4, that my FLR couldn't be "defined" as a level 4.

What absolutely fucking bullshit!!!!

Now, this somewhat pisses me off.  Actually, no, it seriously pisses me off!

I don't work to levels. I don't work to what someone may happen to say my FLRs reflect.  Who is anyone to say what "level" I lead my relationships? Who is anyone to say whether my relationships are female led or not?  Whether something is right or wrong?

There are things I explore. I do so because it is MY choice to do so.  Just because I don't do something doesn't then mean that my relationship isn't female led. 

If it is right for me. If it works for me. It is. 


Why do people insist on writing these things? Why do people insist on leading people to these things? It brings those who find this stuff online into a place which for the main is just bullshit and they get drawn into thinking that because they've read it somewhere that this is how it is.  People do not fit into levels or tick boxes.  They do not fit neatly into what labels get thrown out there.


My relationships are female led. No level. No debate. They are. That's it.  

End of. 

1 comment:

  1. I always find it odd when people try to quantify aspects of a relationship, especially BDSM. "How submissive are you?", "How dominant are you?", "How long are you kept chaste for?", even something as simple as "how much do you love me?" doesn't really make much sense.

    Its all about the moment, and the parties involved. Not some arbitrary scale that has no bearing in the real world.

    People are strange :)