18 April 2011

You can't be a "real" Domme.

It is always interesting getting comments and feedback on the things that I write.  I also appreciate the comments, the feedback and with putting my writing out "there", it is always good to have others opinions, feedback and thoughts.

Not many people seem brave enough to comment on the blog and stick to sending emails or messages via my profiles on certain sites, which is still nice, but a shame that people don't feel able to put their thoughts "out there".

However, since writing "The Blow Job" only a few hours ago Sub Guy has left a comment on the blog which I just have to respond to and thought that deserved a whole post of its own.

This is what Sub Guy wrote in his comment. . .

Fricking Hot!

But how can u call yourself a real Domme by doing such a submissive act of sucking your submissives cock?

Sub Guy.

Who says I can't suck cock? Who says that I cannot be a "real" Domme because I do?

Actually . . .what is it that makes sucking cock a purely submissive act and by doing it means that I am not Dominant? It isn't the "act" that is submissive or dominant. It is the way in which it is done, the way in which it is carried out, the person who is in control.

That person is me. 

Why does sucking a mans cock make me any less dominant? Why does it make any person, male or female less dominant?

It doesn't.

Does giving a blow job make someone submissive?

No of course not.

Which rule book is it written in? Which page is it written on that says sucking cock is a submissive act?

It isn't.

Where does it say that sucking cock is an act that cannot be carried out by a Dominant? And that if you do, it makes you submissive?

It is in the same place that says a male Dominant giving oral to a female submissive is an act of submission . . .in other words, it isn't written anywhere.

And that is because, if a Dominant chooses to do something (whatever it may be), if they are in control of it, if they are choosing how, when and in what vain the act is carried out, it isn't a submissive act.

Not in my opinion. Not in my experiences. Not when I make the decision it is what I want to do.  If I decide. I do it. How I want to. When I want to and in what way I want to. If I don't want to. I don't. End of.

Of course such oral worship features in many Ds relationships and dynamics, it is often a way of expressing submission, of showing submission. That if a submissive is orally worshipping their dominant it expresses their submission, their place and their devotion. It can express many things and show many things.  It is an act that fits into the Ds dynamic.  It is an act that fits into a relationship between two people, not necessarily Dominant and submissive, but can still express that dynamic and role.
A dominant sucking cock, doesn't mean that they aren't Dominant and that in giving a blow job that they are then submissive. AND there isn't anything to say that because I like to do it, because I choose to do it, that it makes me submissive, that I am carrying out a submissive act.

I am not. 

Also, it is another case of "real" and this "one true way" that so many people seem to "preach".  That pisses me off too!

Like those who say you cannot be a "true" or "real" Dominant if you don't do X, Y or Z and that if you don't do A, B or C you aren't a "real" or "true" submissive.  

Who is to say anyone is real or more "true", it suggests that there is one true way as far as BDSM goes, and that is total bullshit. 

My way is right for me. That's it. 

Others don't have to agree. They don't have to follow. I am not asking anyone to.  I am not saying that my way is better than anyone else's or that anyone else's way is better than my own.  What I do works for me. And that is it as far as I am concerned, it is all I am concerned about.

As I ranted in a previous blog entry HERE which explains my feelings regarding this view that so many have of the "one true way". And this is another case of that. Another example.  That because I suck cock it doesn't mean I am Dominant. That I cannot be a "real" Domme because I take a mans cock in my mouth.

I would say that there is nothing in my recollection within "The blow job" which would suggest that what I have done is a submissive act.  I would say such tease, such denial, such sadistic infliction of pain and suffering, and such control of the levels of pain and when it happens, in what way it happens is far from a submissive act. 

But that's just me.

I do things that I want to. Because I need to. Because I make the decision to. Because I enjoy it. Because I LOVE it.

And I do it . . .because I CAN!

It can be anything, but because I choose to do it, because I am in control of it, that is the key. CONTROL.

The control is mine. 

It is MY choice. MY decision. MY act. MY control. And that as far as I am concerned that on its own moves it out of the realm of being a submissive act on my part.


So, if I want to suck cock.

I will.

And if anyone doesn't like the fact that I do.

Well, the issue isn't mine!



  1. I'll comment, Ma'am. When my Mistress sucks "her" cock, she's clearly in control and doing it for her pleasure, not mine. She'll position her sweet puss directly over my face and ride my tongue....and as she gets closer to her own orgasm, she'll wrap her mouth around her cock. For her, having that cock in her mouth is what puts her over the top, and usually I'm left with a soaked face and a raging hard cock...with no relief. There's no question as to who's in charge!

  2. Great post...and an even more appropriate photo!!

    You go girl!

  3. @ jeminfla ~ thank you for your comment ~ I completely agree that there is no doubt who is in charge *smiles* , there is certainly no doubt between the people that matter.

    @ Ms Diane ~ thank you for your comment, I liked the photo too, says so much in such a simple way LOL

    Best, Kat

  4. I love this post also! As one Domme who just recently experienced what many would view as a very submissive act, I wholehearted echo your comments!

  5. HI top kat,

    A very nice blog, by the way. We've added you to our blog list.

    And you're absolutely right about rules. You make them and he obeys. That's the long and short of it.


    Mrs. Kelly's Playhouse

  6. Hi again top kat,

    I forgot to mention that Em has a thing about sucking cock and, since she cuckolds me, lot of guys benefit from that but she has the most fun of all.


    Mrs. Kelly's Playhouse

  7. I am not involved in a D/s relationship. After reading some of these blogs, I see that we are quite vanilla. But, I can tell you, I never feel anything less than powerful when I have a cock in my mouth.