27 December 2010

one "true" way!

I haven't written for a couple of days, yesterday I had no inspirational thoughts or words even to the point of feeling fed up. 

This time of year makes me feel that way for various reasons, the extreme change to the daily routines that make up my daily life is one of them.   I did however, spend some time reading some other blogs, others thoughts and reflections on their own D/s relationships, the thoughts on FLRs and how so many seem to think that they are an impossibility. 

In reading I have been reminded just how much I hate the use of the word "True" in WIITWD, within D/s or BDSM. 

All of the statements that say because you do X "you aren't a true submissive", because as a Dominant you do Y, "you aren't a true Dominant", that if you were a "True Dominant you would do this"

And its crap!

It is total utter bollocks in all honesty.

There isn't a "true" way. 

Is there something which says that to be a true slave/sub/Dom/Domme/ that you must do this or that? Is there something written down in some special little book that says to be a "true slave/sub/Dom/Domme that you have to follow these certain rules?

Fuck. No there isn't.

There isn't a "true" way. 

We have our thoughts, our beliefs, our opinions.  Of course we do. We are all entitled to them in whatever way that they are.  We may look at others and think "that doesn't work for me", or "that person isn't very submissive" and this is just comparing by our own private levels or standards, it isn't us preaching what is or isn't a "true way"

We may not like what others do, we may not think that what they do is right for us, and that is fine. We can disagree, there is NOTHING written down that says we have to follow what others do, that we have to "fit" into some label for our Dominance or submission to be real!

Yet there are people who believe their own way is the "true" way and that anyone who doesn't follow that way, or listen to it, cannot be true or real.  Suggesting that because they do not follow this "true" way that what they have isn't real. That it is fake.

What I do, what I have or want isn't fake.

It is real.

It is MY reality.

I think it is incredibly insulting for people to suggest otherwise. 

There are so many people who believe their way is the only true way for D/s or BDSM, or FLRs.  Or that these ways cannot exist. But we know they do, for those that have them or live them, they exist.  It doesn't make any of them the "true" way to do it, it makes them the right way for them to do it.

But, it should be what works for us is right for us, that doesn't mean it will or could work for everyone else, it probably wouldn't, but it doesn't make your way the right way and my way the wrong way.  What works for me, what I want, what I need is just that what *I* need.  And if it works for me, then it is the right way for ME, for my relationships.

It really does piss me off when people become holier than thou, preaching and dictating about what is the right way, what is the wrong way.  Those who say that such types of relationships cannot exist.  That they cannot possibly exist.  What total bollocks!

If we live them, if we have those relationships then they do exist.

You may have ideas of "true .....this" or "true.....that", but you cannot win any arguments following those beliefs because while they may be valid to you, they aren't to everyone else.

The reality is, use of the word "true" invalidates so much, because there is no "true" way, there isn't a "true submissive" or a "true slave" or a "true dominant" for that matter.  Someones version of "true", is not real, is not valid, is not a reality for the rest of us.

The only reality is that we are all who we are, that we are all different and cannot fit into these labels or defined with one "true" definition.

So please don't ever suggest that what I do, is wrong because it isn't the "true way".

There is no fucking true way.

Instead it is my way.

And it works for me.  It is your way and that works for you. 

Your way isn't "true", my way isn't "true", they are however the reality for us and that is the only "truth".

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