17 December 2010

I want to . . .

 . . . fuck him so hard that he screams and cries.

Strap ons ~ not something that have really overly appealed to me really.  I don't necessarily know why, I guess it is because they just haven't made an appearance in the relationships/dynamics that I have had prior to now.  Maybe it is because I am the one who in all honesty, loves to be fucked.  And that doing the same to another seems at times like too much hard work!

Yet, I love anal.  (even the thought of it . . .the memories of it, make me feel so damn hot and horny!)

I have loved it and everything about it for as long as I can remember, from the very first time I was touched there, through to the first time I was fucked and taken in that way . . .And oh my god what a memory that is *grins* 

A long term "vanilla" relationship . . .it wasn't wholly vanilla of course, my relationships never have been, there has always been (long before I "found" D/s) an immense amount of kink, a smidgeon of pain and S&M but most definitely lots of anal.  And I will never forget how it felt, the pain of it, no preparation, no anything.  Just full on, deep, hard, rough.  It made me cry, it made me scream at times, but it also made me cum in ways I have never experienced before (or in many ways since!), the memories of it now run through my body to my sex, and I'm wet with the memories and the thought!!!

Anal. It is my favourite. I love it.  I MISS IT!

I love anal play in many forms, with toys, with fisting, plugs . . . with things such as figging . . .anal torture . . . the mind can run away with all of the things I have done, experienced, explored, and inflicted on others.  So I wonder therefore when I love something so much, that, it hasn't overly appealed, or at least more than it has in the moments I have thought about it and more so, that it is something I haven't actually felt drawn to.

Until now.

The boy, wrote a fantasy blog entry for me this morning it can be found HERE and since reading it, the thought of fucking him that way is growing on me.  The thought of it, appeals.  The thought of it is arousing.  The thought of it makes me wet.

So, with this thought, my mind runs away, and I picture the boy on all fours.  I am stood behind him, spreading his legs wider so I know that when I go in that I can go in deeper.  And yet, I want to go in so deep, I want to fuck him so hard that he cries and screams. 

I want the boy to feel it. I want to fuck him til he cries.  I've told the boy this in a text while he is at work.  Adding to his frustration that weeks of denial and chastity are creating.

But it is appealing.

More appealing than it has been to me before. 

I know some of that is coming from the way the boy and I are interacting and I know that a lot of it is coming from his submissiveness that I see, that I feel, that I witness.  I feel drawn to it ~ to his submissiveness, the way he responds.  Maybe I am allowing myself to finally do so.

It comes as part of wanting more, of wanting to take more.

But more so, it is coming from this need I have to fuck him.  To hurt him. To make him cry.  So, even though it maybe something that hasn't been explored . . .I think that there may come a time when it will be.

I think that the boy isn't going to know what has hit him.


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