16 December 2010

Keeping count

Could I tell you how many days the boy has been denied for?

Um .. .no.

I know he could probably right down to the amount of hours LOL

I don't bother to count.  For me its not about the length of time he has been denied, but the denial itself.

It isn't how long ago it was since he was allowed an orgasm that matters, its the fact that he has them only when I say he can and if I do not want him to, then he won't.  It would however, be harder in many ways if we were in the same place.  I like a man to cum, I like to see him orgasm, to watch him beg for that release or the fear in his eyes as I wank him myself knowing that I will not stop and yet he still has to wait for permission.

I so like to see such desperation and panic on his face.

Could I tell you how many times he has been allowed to edge since his denial began?


Do I care?


Am I as heartless as it may sound? LOL not really, it isn't that I would not or do not care about the boy, it is the fact I do not care about how long it is since he has touched, since he has masturbated or since I took control of that cock and his orgasms.

It is the fact that he is allowed to edge only when I tell him to.  The fact that he does it when I allow him.  I have to say, he has done incredibly well, not giving in to the urges that I know all too well are with him everyday.  Some days, he will mention his frustration and I will not even comment on anything sexual related.  I know that only adds to his frustration LOL 

Some may say I am being cruel.  Maybe so.  Cruel is good.  If he didn't like it, I know full well he wouldn't hang around.

I can be a Bitch yes. 

I like to see someone struggle and suffer and be tormented.  I like to make someone struggle and suffer and torment them.  It appeals to my sadistic streak, the one that lurks in the depths.  One which is actually bigger than I often admit or even feel at times.

 I like to see someone want something so badly yet still be denied.  This is why chastity and denial is something I have come to love.  Not for the length of time that someone is denied, but the meaning behind it, the control that comes with it, but also the fact that I know just how much it can focus someone. And after all, a bitch I may be, but it is always good to have an attentive sub.  Do I think that the boy is one of those?

Yes. I do. 

Does that please me?

Yes. It does. Of course it does.

But, denial, chastity, it really is the control. And that is what I like, it is what I need, it feeds me, it balances me.  It is a huge part of who I am and what I get, want and need from D/s.  However, only a small part of that comes from chastity, from denial.  But it is what is there right now . . . but even then not to the extent it could be.  Frustrating? maybe.

the boy, is doing well.  *smiles*

I did think he wouldn't last as long as he has, that he may give in.  I asked him if he had taken a "sneaky touch" but he replied that he would only be cheating himself.  And he is right, but I was pleased with his answer.  I am pleased with the way he has taken to being denied, the way he hasn't given in, it shows me a great deal even at this point, and I like what it shows me, what the boy is showing me.

I wish it were possible that the next time he were allowed to orgasm that it was in my presence. 

I wonder if I would ruin his first orgasm, or whether I would make him cum on the floor and lick it up with his tongue.  Or maybe I should wait until the time comes when I allow the boy to fuck.  Maybe I would allow the boy to cum somewhere over me, and then make him lick it clean.  Maybe . . .maybe . . .maybe . . .SO many possibilities, that list really is endless. . .

Maybe it is possible that his next orgasm could be in my presence . . . but that I guess depends on how long it may be . . .

but then, I am not keeping count!

No comments:

Post a Comment