02 April 2017

Give me some pain!

It's been a difficult week. 

Emotionally draining. 

Emotionally confusing.

Emotionally difficult.

Different feelings, and different reasons, different causes. Some things I've not yet processed, some things that I'm not ready to put out there and there's a mixture of loss, sadness but also hurt, disappointment right through to anger.

I re-joined the gym this week after over 20 months away due to the various surgeries etc I've faced but early this morning I hit the gym today for a high intensity spin class, there was nothing about easing back into an activity gently, there was no taking it easy. 

Instead I pushed myself in a way I've not done for a long time, I wanted to find a release for the emotions that are all whirling their way around inside and wanted to feel something physical.   I needed a release of endorphins that could just bring some relief to the feelings that I've had.

I needed something to clear the mind.  I needed to push myself so hard in that class that I didn't know how I'd actually walk out of it at the end.

And that's exactly what I did do.

And now, several hours later the muscles in my body ache, they're tired and beyond sore, and it's a relief to have a physical ache instead of an emotional one draining the body.  It's a relief that my mind is feeling that physical pain, that physical ache and soreness.  It gives the mind a break, it gives the heart a break, it gives me a break.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't a person that felt so deeply, that wasn't so emotionally driven, things would be a whole lot easier at times.


  1. Hugs Kat.

    There isn't much I can say here but I am glad you found a way to release some of the feelings.

    Take care.

  2. Dear Kat,

    The fact that you feel, in the way and in the depths that you do is what makes you the person that you are. It's such a special quality and something we don't always see in D/s.

    You wouldn't be you if you didn't feel as you do, and then we would be seeing a completely different person.

    Don't lose or switch off the special qualitys that you have, don't stop being able or willing to feel, because in feeling makes you the wonderful friend that you are, the wonderful person that you are and it makes you the loving dominant that you are and that dear Kat is something special and rare.

    Yours. As always A x