Reflections

Do you remember the time we sat and watched the sun go down? 

We had spent the day together.

We didn't know at that time that it would be our last.  We didn't know then that the sun wasn't just setting on the day, but it was setting on all that we had shared.

We didn't know then that the darkness at the ending of the day would be the darkness enshrouding all that we had known; all that we had shared.

There is something about "goodbyes" which make us reflect, and I remember this very moment like it were yesterday.

I can still feel the heat on my face from the warmth of the sun, the dampness of your face and hair from the heat as it passed over to the slightly cooler air of the arriving night.  I remember how it felt as I stroked your hair as it rested in my lap.

I still remember the way your eyes looked right then as you looked out and watched the boat bobbing up and down on the waves.  A million emotions and words hiding in your depths but never finding a way out to be heard.

You told me how you wished we could sail away on it, to chase the sunset so as to avoid the impending darkness. 

You looked up at me then and my heart melted once more.  And the feelings hit the pit of my stomach as you averted your gaze.  And how I wanted you then, more than ever.  And I remember the last touch of your face, the last stroke of your hair, the last kiss that we shared.  I always will.

And as we watched the coolness of the turquoise blue ocean change into a fire of reds and oranges it reflected so much of where we had come from, of where we were now and without even knowing it, where we were heading. 

The sun was not only setting in the sky, it was setting upon us too. 

Things had started so easily, the ebb and flow of the tide just like the ebb and flow of how we had been.  Reaching the highs that we felt, being plunged into the unavoidable lows.  But the fire had come.  The heat. The passion.  And oh god I couldn't believe that we wouldn't have that once more.  The depth of the feelings that left both of us breathless, wanting and needing more and more. Both needing more. 

I took these photos.  It was one of the most beautiful sunsets we had seen.  

It still is for me. 

And not just because of its beauty, not just because of its warmth. But because it was a reflection of you. A reflection of me.  A reflection of us.

So much reflection, so much to reflect upon. 

We sat there side by side. Lost in the beauty of the moment. Lost in our own thoughts and the delaying of the inevitable.  Lost in the sadness. Lost in the fear of the unknown and what was to be. 

Reflections of all that had been shared. 

A fire that we wanted to keep burning, but we had known all along that there would be a time when it would burn out on its own, that there was no more "stoking", and we had nothing to build it back up again.  We had held on until the last ember had been extinguished.

The fire of the sunset danced on the waves, we watched them as they gently lapped at the edge of the shore.  We walked along it still lost in thought, still prolonging the inevitable. 

And we both wanted so much for the sun to stay there and not to disappear behind the edge of the headland.  Afraid of the darkness that we would ourselves be plunged into when it did.

It was beautiful while it lasted.


Just like the setting of the sun.