31 March 2011

Wanted . . online sadist.

So, I was browsing some profiles on a BDSM site today and I came across a profile where someone had detailed in their profile "Wanted . . .online sadist"

Now, before we go further lets just look at the  dictionary definition of sadism . . .

sa·dism n.

1. The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty.
3. Extreme cruelty.

Now for me, my sadism, the very strong at times sadistic streak or the "beast" which often lies in wait to be let out could never be gratified by being an "online sadist". Actually, is it even possible for someone to be an "online sadist"?  Those sadistic needs of mine, the beast within, could never be fulfilled or quietened by anything "online" full stop.

Now, yes I derive pleasure from hurting another. 

I do.

I have no reason to hide that fact, nor do I want to. 

I have a sadistic need.

There are things about being sadistic, about sadistic acts, about sadism in general that meets the needs that I have. 

I want it. I need it. I love it.

It isn't about causing harm, (and I'm not going to get into the debate or thoughts of it being "abuse"). It is about causing hurt. It is about inflicting pain.  My own sadistic need reacts in different ways to different people.  At times it can be something that just lies quietly beneath the surface, that I do not feel drawn to hurting that person, but at others it can be like a raging beast, and the need to then hurt becomes considerable.

It fulfils a need that I have within me. 

Sometimes it is sexually related in that yes, hurting another turns me on, it makes me wet, it arouses me. Seeing another in pain, taking that pain, crying from pain, or having their own masochistic needs met matches those of my own sadistic needs. However, I also derive a non sexual gratification from inflicting that pain, in that it fulfills in an emotional or "mental" way. 

But the important word here in all of this in terms of the sadism and sadistic needs is INFLICTING.

My need is met by the physical infliction, by carrying out the inflicting the pain physically myself, by carrying out the act itself.  Not telling someone else to do it, not telling someone to do it to themselves but ME doing it. Me hurting. Me causing that pain.

Now, I know that my needs, sexual, mental, emotional or otherwise as a sadist could never be met "online".  Is it possible to be an "online sadist" . . .I guess anything is possible if that is what they want to label themselves as. At the end of the day, labels only carry any meaning to the person themselves as they mean so many different things to many people. 

Bad Boy Gets a Birching by Alphonse Friaux
 But to me, being sadistic, having the sadistic needs met, this (to me and for me) means physically inflicting that pain, whether it be by hand, crop, whip or clamp, it is about physically carrying out the act and physically hurting the other person.  

Not me telling them to do it. Not watching someone else do it (although at times I can find it sexually arousing watching someone inflict pain on another)

I know that for me, I could never find any gratification in telling someone on the other side of a computer screen to hurt themselves. 

In that, they are just then following orders, but their mind will also prevent them from inflicting a pain beyond a level they control. As part of my sadism, comes the need to control, to control the act, to control the situation, to control the level of pain that is inflicted.

Yes I can understand how someone telling another person to inflict pain touches part of the sadistic need, after all someone is feeling pain, but you are not physically inflicting it, you are not yourself as the sadist inflicting that pain, so the gratification being derived from that will never ever come close to physically wielding the whip or whatever implement or "hitty" thing that you want to use.

Of course from a distance you can inflict emotional sadism, and this is a completely different ballgame altogether.  In fact, emotional sadism and emotional masochism are not a game to be taken lightly, in fact, it isn't a "game" to play at, at all in all honesty. 

It is something that can have very detrimental and negative responses if not "used" correctly.  Stepping into the arena of emotional masochism is certainly never something someone should ever take lightly, (I will write about that another time as it is something that interests me and has interested me for a long time) but, for me, the sadistic need is fulfilled by inflicting that pain, by causing that pain, by witnessing the reactions of the person I am hurting.  I want to see their pain, feel their pain, I want to see the look on their face, the expressions from their eyes, I want to hear their cries, hear the screams, I want to see the tears that fall and I want to be able to hold them after it all.

That is something that can never be felt "online", that just cannot be done "online". 

Now there is a place for some, for these "online" whatevers . . .but, they just are not, nor can they ever be, the same as reality, the same as they are if you step out from behind that screen and do it "for real" . . . from either side.

They don't compare.  They are different.  Different situations, different relationships, different dynamics to meet different needs.

I'm not saying that the way my needs are met is right or wrong, that the way "online" peoples needs are met are right or wrong.  I am saying what works for me, what doesn't work for me . . .what is right for me.

Now, before everyone "jumps" I am quite aware that some people have their needs met or can only extend to something "online", that for some it is all that they want to "explore", it is often how they dip their toes into the world of BDSM, how they find an understanding and how they learn, we can all get something from online resources, but in terms of "dynamics", in terms of anything else if that works for them fine . . . but for me, no. It doesn't. It isn't reality. 

I am not saying those who get their gratification online are wrong, that my way is better than theirs.  I am not saying anything is superior to the other.   What works for you fine.  But, it does piss me off when people try to compare.

They don't compare. They couldn't ever compare.  How can they? They are very different, so very different

And so an. . "online sadist" ?

Not me. Not now.

Not ever.


1 comment:

  1. I really agree with this. Actually, I also find all kind of "on line whatever" quite dissapointing in therms of relationships. It seems these days online relationships are replacing real ones, which is a shame because they are not even near. In any sense.

    Yes, internet is great to know people, it is a very useful starting point. But then, I think real world must definitely take the baton!