22 April 2011

Firsts . . .

A couple of things have happened in the past couple of days which has made me think, reflect . . .remember things from the past, people from the past, situations from the past.  Things that I have done, things that I explored, things that happened.

So many things to reflect on . . . so many "firsts".

I think we do tend to remember the "firsts" regardless of whether they are many years ago and back in childhood, or early adulthood, or even in more recent years.  They are the things that stand out; memories that we remember, that stay with us, that in some ways, will always stay with us.

The first kiss, the first love, the first heartbreak, the first time we received oral sex; the first time we gave it. The first time we had sex, the first time we had anal sex. The first dominant or submissive thoughts (whichever are applicable), the first orgasm, the first time we had a threesome, a moresome. The first time we inflicted pain; or the first time we received it.  The first time we discovered a kink or a fetish, the first time we explored it.  The first time we ventured into "public play", the first time we had risky sex, dangerous sex, intoxicating sex.  The first porn we watched, the first fantasies, the first time I identified as top, as dominant. The first time we found ourselves feeling liberated and free, the first time we were able to truly be ourselves . . .

And, there have been so many firsts, and I can remember the firsts of 100% of the above (or at least those that apply to me . . .which upon reading back is most of them lol

But it is only in recent times that I have reached the last one; the time I have been able to truly be myself.  Except I know that it is often one which many people do not get to do, that they live a life in secret or pretence, but never being able to truly be themselves. 

It is the creation of such memories that enable things to exist long after they may have finished, long after the person may be a part of our lives.  And most of the memories are indeed wonderful ones.  And no matter where we are in our lives, there are still so many firsts to come.

I intend that those firsts that are still yet to be for me, and whoever they may be shared with (and of course they will be "firsts" if they are shared with someone new!), will be ones where I am able to truly be myself, that they will be the "firsts" which although I may have experienced them before, will be different this time. 

They will come with the acceptance of who I am and my being able to be myself, and being perfectly ok with that.

And I am.


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