A couple of weeks ago when I was browsing through various blogs and I came across the above writing which was made within a blog by Lazy Domme. It was referring to the fact that in the writer's experience many dominant women often aren't excited by the dominant acts themselves but by the responses and the excitement that stems from the submissive man in their life.
The author goes on to write within the blog about how to change that and how to make it more exciting for women ~ it is a blog which certainly struck a chord with me for many reasons, one I enjoyed reading and one certainly worth checking out! But the comment I've quoted above was one that kinda stuck with me.
It stood out.
It certainly got me thinking (and I love comments and words that do that!)
I think it stood out, because for me, it couldn't be further from the truth, the fact that I personally get so much from the dominant acts. But also maybe it stuck because I cannot imagine anything worse than just having to do things "just because" and not getting any pleasure or enjoyment out of it.
For me, I am totally excited by the dominant acts.
I am totally excited by the acts of sadism.
Because if I wasn't excited by them, if I didn't enjoy them, I wouldn't be doing them.
Why would I want to do something that I didn't like or enjoy?
The quthor went on to comment that she felt that many dominant women are getting a raw end of a deal, by not getting pleasure out of the acts themselves. And yes, perhaps it is a raw deal.
Of course, there will always be people who are doing just that. Just as there are those who "submit" just to please their more dominant partner. Just like there are those in an FLR where the woman doesn't truly want to lead the relationship but are "guided" by the submissive. There will be people who will get a raw deal. People who will do things just to please and not because it meets their wants or desires.
There are times when I will choose to do things because it is something that the submissive may like or enjoy, but I still get something from it, I must still like or enjoy what I am doing or going to do. I believe that both peoples needs are important and need to be met, regardless of the dynamic, but, if I didn't want to do something, if I didn't like it. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do something just because someone "expected" it or "demanded" it.
As a dominant female I do the things that I want to, that I enjoy, that I get something from or out of.
If I don't; I don't do it. It is quite simple really. No raw deal.
But, while I get excited by the act, of course I get excited and enjoy his feelings, his reactions, his own excitement. It really is a combination, not only of the dominant acts, or the submissve acts, but also about the end result. The feelings it creates for both, the things it brings in emotionally, physically or psychologically, both to the submissive and also to myself.
They go hand in hand, they are part and parcel of the same thing. Together they are what I need and want. The things I do and the feelings it creates.
I don't subscribe to the thought of it being all about the Domme. Neither is it all about the submissive. It isn't just about the act. It isn't just about the excitement or feelings.
It is about it all.
It is about the whole thing, from the dynamic and the relationship itself, to the acts, the feelings and the whole experience; for both!
I love the "acts", I love the things that I do, I love the feelings and the psychological changes it brings about. And I love the way those things are all connected. I get excited by the things that I do, even from the most simple of things. It doesn't have to be complicated or indepth, dominance and submission can be experienced in some quite beautiful and simple acts, but I get excited by the things I explore, the things that create excitement within the submissive, the feelings it creates within them and within me.
The excitement doesn't just come from what is given off from the submissive. It doesn't just come from feelings I experience. For me it is about it all, the relationship, the acts, the feelings and the end result.