Haiku

I love to write, whether it be recollections, creative, poetry or simply an expression of inner thoughts and feelings. 

But, when I write, the words tend to flow, I rarely have to sit and struggle for those words to come. Yes I occasionally have a "block" but that tends to be on writing as a whole rather than on a specific piece of writing.  Which is what I have at the moment due to life being so chaotically busy!

In recent weeks however, I have taken an interest in Haiku ~ more so Haiku in English as explained in wiki HERE (now I don't normally like wiki, but it explains it pretty well) but writing in such limited words, such defined patterns seems so limited to me, probably because I am so used to having the freedom to write, to express whatever I wanted, how I wanted and having the control to do so. (Yes even writing comes down to control lol)  So, having a limit placed upon myself by the confines Haiku, makes it a form of writing that isn't or doesn't come naturally to me. 

But even in such limited words, some examples of Haiku in English I have read say so much, they create an image, a picture, a vision, they bring feeling, emotion, thought.  They bring food for thought, creating a whole host of images that can lead to so much more, all from 17 syllables.

You would think it was easy right?

But, it is in fact quite hard to do when you first try to write, limiting to 17 syllables (in English Haiku that is, as traditional is very different), but trying to make the words, to give them a meaning and to give them feeling within those limited words isn't easy. 

It is a challenge . . .and I like a challenge *grins*

I am going to "dabble" in trying to write, to create in Haiku in English, something else to get the creative juices flowing and am going to include them here in my blog, a lot I am sure will be related to Ds, to FLRs, to the things that are close to my heart.

But lets get started . . .

Words to express so

much in so little

is not easy to achieve.

Looking into your eyes

takes me into the depths

of your soul and you.

My heart beats

in erratic rhythm and passion

 as it longs for you. 



Thirsty ?

 "are you thirsty?"

"yes"

"yes what?"

"yes Mistress I am thirsty"

His eyes filled with fear as I take him by the hand and lead him to the bathroom.  His eyes filled with confusion as he couldn't understand what was happening, or why I was taking him there.  I squeezed his hand as a sign of reassurance, but knowing that it wasn't going to reassure him at all.

"It's ok, I'm just getting you a drink"

"Thank you"

His voice struggling to be heard, his eyes looking down at his feet.  I let go of his hand, reaching towards him and removed the top he was wearing, his arms shifting by his sides, his fingers clasping tightly with uncertainty.

"Lie down on your back"

He hesitates, and I reach forward and push pressure on his shoulders, making him go down to his knees before he moves himself onto his arse, and lying down.  I stand over him, peering down at him and watch him for what for him, felt like the longest of times but was moments only.

He closes his eyes but I can still see his eyeballs moving quickly behind his eyelids. 

"Open your eyes"

I speak gently to him. I want to see the expression in his eyes, I need to be able to see the battles he is having within, the longing, the need, and the place that he goes to.  But I know he is unsure of what is to come, we haven't done this before. Or at least I haven't with him.

"It's ok baby"

I whisper to him.  And then tell him to open his mouth.

I am still standing over him, straddling him from a height. My stockinged legs placed either side of his head.  He doesn't know where to look, if he looks straight up he will see my naked cunt, and he is going through some sort of battle of wanting to look but being embarrassed to do so.  I smile at his shyness, I smile at the fact that he is doing this for me.  I smile that he looks so vulnerable led there beneath me.  I smile that although is head is telling him not to do it, that his heart, that his need to submit and please is giving him the strength to be there at that moment.

I lower myself down slightly.

"Open your mouth wide ~ you won't be thirsty for much longer"

The realisation of what is about to come his way hits home.  His face filling with a sense of panic.

"I'm not thirsty"

"oh come come now, you were a moment ago, so that hasn't changed has it?"

He nods.

"I think you're telling little fibs"

*laughs*

He shakes his head.

"just open your mouth"

The battle continues within his head, I can see this is pushing a limit for him, but a limit he wanted me to push.  I am not going to let the negative battle in his head win and try to reassure him.

"It's ok, it's going to be ok, now open your mouth for me, like a good boy"

He smiles at hearing those words, the affirmation of what he is.  And just as he does, I begin to relieve myself.  The warm liquid flowing into his mouth, splashing over his face, his eyes filling with his own tears.  His cock twitching from the humiliation of being made to drink this way, from me.

He begins to choke, not being able to handle the amount of liquid that is coming from me, I laugh at him gently. He is trying to swallow, trying to take as much into his mouth as he can, the rest falling over his face, wetting his hair and the mat that he is led on.

"There's a good boy" I whisper to him as I reach down to touch his head, touching his cheek, wiping up a splash from his face and giving him my finger to suck. 

He does so eagerly, tasting me. 

Wanting more he looks up at me, begging with his eyes

"please Miss, may I have more"


"Maybe JoJo. Maybe"

Give

I give…
Into the strong hand that guides
I give…
of barest flesh
I give…
all that I am, imperfections and flaws
and still you take…
You are still there in the night, hand held out to hold me.

I give all…
that I can, trusting that you will keep me safe.


unknown

My response III ~ "devoted slave"

Dear devoted_slave

I always find it so impossible to believe how someone, in this case you, can declare their undying devotion as a slave to someone you have not even corresponded with previously, let alone know anything about! 

Does your devotion, your need to submit mean that you will do so to anyone, anywhere, regardless that you may have absolutely nothing in common with them? 

Does it (or you) have that little worth?

Does it really honestly show any devotion at all?

I think not.

Instead, it shouts of desperation and it screams of being nothing more than a spammy email, one without care or thought, that will have been sent to each and everyone who dare to declare themselves dominant whether they are seeking or not. 

While I may seek someone who would be devoted. I seek someone who takes the time to get to know me, but also to give time and thought, care and attention to who they are making contact with and to know that we are at least on the same page.

Not only are we not on the same page, but it seems with your declaration of your undying devotion to me, that you haven't even bothered to open the cover, let alone to start reading further!

Dear Readers "sex blog" or "sexy blogger"

I received a note from Callie to say that she had nominated my blog in the "nominations for the sexiest bloggers of 2011 as can be found on betweenmysheets HERE

I feel rather shocked but rather honoured, that someone has taken the time to nominate my blog, and although it hasn't been running for a full year as yet, it does say that nominations will be considered for those who have been going for less than that. 

Now, I blog for myself, it is my outlet and a place I can write freely about so many different things.

But my little home on the net also has some followers, and a lot of people read without following physically on the blog, and it always surprises me when I see the stats for the blog and the thousands of views that it has had even in the short space of time it has been going.  It seems that many aren't brave enough to comment, (come on people don't be shy!) and  although I always appreciate the comments that are left  ~ it gives me further food for thought as well as being appreciated.

So, thank you to Callie for your nomination, I feel really honoured and thank you for your own comments about my writing, about the content of my blog.  It is always so nice to receive feedback and to know that someone gets it, understands it but also relates is always pleasing to know. 

So, as a shameless plug LOL if anyone else enjoys what you read here, and want to take a couple of moments to pop along and nominate my own little home on the net, then please do :) it will be appreciated.

You can go and nominate via this link HERE

and thank you to anyone who does *smiles** 

the URL for this site is of course http://shewhomakestherules.blogspot.com/

Get over yourselves!

**WARNING:
Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its
associated sites for studies or projects - You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. **

I have lost count of the amount of times I have seen the above "warning" on profiles on sites such as CM, FL and IC. 

And its like, WTF is that all about? FFS people, get over yourself.  

Most of the profiles may have a pic of a cock hidden behind a pair of panties, a profile so brief in description, that really, there's nothing that anyone would really want to use.  And if there is anything on the site which isn't to be used, that is down to the site, not the individual!  And yes, there are cases where people have taken other people's photos and tried to pass them off as them, and this really is crap, but what is it about this so called "warning"?

I mean one I read one profile today that states

I am 28 years old, white, blonde hair and blue eyes. I am drug and disease free. Do not drink or smoke.  I am bisexual and live in ****. I enjoy being dominated and degraded and will try most things subject to the usual limits.  I am looking to be a part time online slave and can prove I am real by showing you on cam.

That is it.

That is all the profile said, but with the above "warning" written on it. 

I mean, what the fuck is on that profile that would make anyone want to copy it? Use it? What is in or on that profile that would make any worthy contribution to any "project"? And then, on another point, how does someone showing themselves on cam prove they are real? It doesn't prove anything apart from them sitting there.  They could still be anyone . . .anything . . .It proves nothing. The warning does nothing. 

What an absolute load of bullshit!

Seriously. 

Most of these profiles, especially the ones who have used this "warning" say the same thing anyway . . .very little and very typically "do-me" comments, a whole list of their kinks and what they want a dominant to do to them.  And if we are lucky we are subjected to a picture of a plug up some goddamn hairy ass or a tiny cock behind a pair of panties which are obviously 3 sizes too small.  I mean, why would anyone want such pictures? Why would they draw anyone to them?

I mean seriously, use a little bit of imagination . . .a little bit of thought and originality. Seems like for most tho, it is simply too difficult.

Someone a couple of months ago, sent me a message, saying that they had liked my profile writings, so much that they had just copied it to their profile page saying this is what they wanted and did I mind and was it ok? 

Like hell it isn't ok and of course I mind!

What makes that ok?

Write your own goddamn profile and leave mine the heck alone, but more so, get over yourself if you think that you need to write a "warning" like that on your profile. 

I mean. Seriously. Get over yourself.

.

Your friend. My lover.

He was your friend. 

But he become my lover. 

You invited me over for dinner. 

A special evening you had prepared to help ease and remove the stresses of the week that I had had at work. 

I had been hesitant in making the trip.  The ninety minute journey was always hard work, especially on a friday evening. But I was free the next day and thought it was an ideal opportunity to have some time out. To relax and for us to spend some time together. That it would give us plenty of time to do all what I had planned and plenty of time for you to attend to the growing needs that my arousal from our time apart had created.  

It was a couple of weeks since I had seen you.  I was looking forward to it.  I had plans for you. Plans for us.  The beast had been kept within its cage and was prowling for release. The thoughts running through my mind had only served to increase my already aroused state.  Your own arousal had built each day that you continued to be denied and locked.  

I needed some time out, I needed to be treated, pampered, worshipped. And I knew that you were more than capable of doing all of these things. 

I could have had you fuck me the minute you opened the door and let me in. 

Instead we kissed, hard. A hunger and passion growing with every lingering second.  I wanted you there and then. And my hand made its way down your body, down to your hardening cock straining in the device which it had been in for the time we had been apart. The constraints it placed upon you causing you to gasp and moan, causing me to smile and laugh at your discomfort, at your pain.

And then he caught my eye.

Sat over on the sofa, he had been watching the growing passion between us.  I stopped and smiled at him.  I was annoyed that the plans I had for the evening ahead had to be put on hold but didn't show it to him. 

You said he was your friend. 

I whispered into your ear annoyed at this outside intrusion, "He will be my lover".

You stopped, looked at me. Eyes crestfallen.

You knew I wasn't joking.

You had decided to introduce us at dinner that night.  He and I never made it to dessert. As you cleared the table after dinner, the look in your eye as you glanced over to me said it all. 

Arousal. Jealousy.

Longing. Frustration. 

I told you to close the door as you went into the kitchen.  I knew you would be straining to hear any and every noise that you may hear and that not being able to would tease, torment and torture you. Now you would suffer for making plans without checking first.

He and I had moved into the lounge.

Sitting comfortably on the sofa we chatted freely and openly, and every so often I could hear you moving around in the kitchen, hoping for any sign, any signal of what was happening behind the closed door.  I knew that you were frustrated, annoyed, and desperately wanting to know what was happening.

He was different to you in so many ways.

But there was something that attracted me to him almost immediately.  I remember noticing the slight flecks of grey appearing in his hair, brought to my attention the moment he pushed his hand nervously through it.

I could tell he was a little unsure of what was happening, knowing that something was going to, but not having any idea what would.

I shifted myself on the sofa, bringing one of my stockinged legs up so I could turn and face him. His eye was drawn to the laced top which he could see through the split which ran up my thigh in the long ankle length skirt.  His hand was resting uneasily on his leg and reaching over to it, I stroked my nails teasingly along the length of his fingers, placing my own around his fingers, I moved his hand from his own leg over onto the top of my stockings as I told him to touch me.

He looked up at me. Up at the kitchen door. Confusion clear to see on his face. 

"It's ok" I said to him.

"He already knows"

He was shaking slightly. From nerves? No, not really. More so from anticipation, from arousal, from being unsure of what I was saying to him was right. He looked at me in somewhat disbelief as his fingers traced the lace around the top of my stocking, my legs moving apart as his hand moved more forcefully between my thighs, soon discovering that I wasn't wearing any underwear. His fingers soon found their way between my legs, my own body betraying the deep arousal that I felt at his hand, at what we were doing with you only a short distance away.

The groan that escaped from my mouth caught both him and me by surprise.

He stopped.

I looked at him, demanding him to carry on. 

He teased me with his fingers, plunging them deep inside, fucking me with his hand until I came on his fingers hard, my juices running over his fingers and as I removed his hand I forced his fingers into his mouth, he licked his own fingers clean before I kissed him hard. Tasting myself upon his lips. 

His cock was hard. 

His eyes slightly glazed, his breathing deep, yet shallow. A hunger growing, a passion building.  We kissed fervently, passionately, hungrily, hands roaming everywhere, clothes being removed with haste, abandoned as they were thrown without care.  Moans and groans clearly audible mixed with heavy breathing and passionate gasps.

The kitchen door opened, you had come to serve dessert, except, I was already having it.

I was having him.

Passion

The moment ignites the passion and fervour, as my mouth meets yours. Nails dragging down over your skin, a trail of welts raised and red are left behind.

Mouths brought together hungrily as a tongue flicks over your lips, forcing its way between them.  It fucks your mouth and the kiss devours you, consumes you, and moans of unsated arousal and pleasure escape from deep within. 

A body grinds down upon you, forcing itself against the hardness of your cock. The wetness seeping against your skin, the heat of the cunt burning against the dampness.  You know what is to come.

The mouth moves down over your body, a trailing tongue tracing the red welts adorning your skin, a light trail of saliva, causing goosebumps as the coolness meet the heat of your naked skin. 

You are marked in more ways than one. Lost to the feelings of the moment, the desire, the hunger, the passion.

My Response II ~ Just one big cock!

Dear send_lots_of_cock_pics

Would you walk up to someone you hadn't met before and show them your cock?

I am sure (or at least I would hope) that your answer to that question would be a resounding NO!

So, with that in mind, why do you think it should be any different, that your first contact to me, should involve sending lots of pictures of your cock! 

Is it supposed to interest me? please me? impress me?

It does absolutely none of those things.

Did I ask for them? Do I want to see them? Am I interested in them?

No, no AND no!

I have absolutely no interest in your cock or what you want ME to do to it.  I have absolutely no wish to know what anyone else has done to it.  And neither do I have any desire to do anything to it, or to you for that matter.  And if I did, it would be my choice what it was, not because you had told me that was what I was going to do.

It doesn't work that way. 

You, or your cock, are of no interest to me whatsoever.

I like smart men.

Smart men who are fully able to read a profile, to read what I have taken the time to write, who are able to take the time to introduce themselves and make polite, respectful contact.  You haven't been smart enough to do any of that, instead, you thought you would message me your cock thinking that it would be of such interest.

It isn't.

It couldn't have been further from being smart if you'd tried.

In fact, it isn't so much about your cock, but more so of how you have behaved like one! 

Rules, labels and no "true way"

So much of what we may read, suggests that there should be a "right" or "wrong" way of doing things.

It seems that certain (and very often self-labelled) "authorities" (and I use that word loosely because in reality some can only be an authority on the way things are for them ~ for their relationships and their interests and not everyone elses!) anyway ~ "some authorities" on BDSM so often suggest their way is the right way, that there is one true way.

There isn't.

They try to suggest that everyone should follow what they put forward.  Their way, may to them be the true way; the only way.  What it is in fact is the right way for them. It doesn't by any means make it right for anyone else or anyone else's dynamic or relationship.

Just as what works for me, may not work for another.  I get that. I just wish others would.  It seems that so many are intent in placing themselves into boxes, placing themselves under "labels" that in reality don't fit, but maybe the closest thing.  It is impossible to place everyone into boxes, or to place everyone under the same label.

There really are no hard and fast rules when it comes to Female Led Relationships or Femdom, or any type of relationship for that matter.  There is no "template" as to what is right, what is wrong and how that relationship should be established or developed.  There isn't anything which says that a relationship must have X, Y or Z.  The important thing is the people within it communicate openly and honestly.  Such communication is an important part of any type of relationship, not just D/s, not just FLRs, but every type of relationship where people are involved. Where a power exchange takes place, where one person has control over another, that communication is entirely necessary. In fact, it really is vital.

Some subscribe to the thinking that D/s relationships as a whole (whether they be male led, female led, Femdom, D/s, M/s etc) are deeper, involve more attachment, require more trust, communication, openness than “traditional” relationships. I don’t subscribe to that in the slightest as I think that all relationships regardless of their dynamic, regardless of whether they include “vanilla” or not require those things. They need trust and honesty, they need communication, they involve intimacy and attachment and emotions, but just because they may be different than what society deems as "traditional" doesn't make them "better" or more anything over another dynamic.

One isn’t better than the other.

One isn't more involved than another.

One isn't more intimate than the other. One isn't more anything over another.

They are just as they are.

Yes of course there are differences within each relationship, differences within a Female led relationship, just as there are differences to a relationship which is Male led and these differences distinguish them from what society deems "traditional", but even though there are differences to the traditional, there are also differences within these types of dynamics according to the people within them.

One will never be the same as the other.  There will always be differences according to the wants and needs of those within it, whether it is physical, emotional, mental or sexual needs.  What works within one, won't work necessarily in another.  So there isn't a true way. There isn't "one" way.  There is just the way that we want to follow and what is right for us.  Doesn't mean it will always work, doesn't mean that it will be perfect ~ after all, nothing ever is.

Each relationship is really unique to the people within them and as such, what works for them is right for them. It certainly doesn't mean it would work for others or with others.  And this is why reading some of the writings from those who claim to be "authorities" really should be taken with an open mind, but very much a pinch of salt.

We can learn things, we can find an understanding of things, and there is a lot for us to learn, we can of course learn a lot from others and what does or doesn't work for them, but just because something is right for someone else, just because it may have worked for them, doesn't mean it will be for us or for others and it certainly doesn't make necessarily them an "authority" over anyone else or particular subjects.

I came across some writings recently, which was looking at FLRs and Femdom and the supposed "guidelines" that must be present for these type of relationships to work.  I find it frustrating that people suggest what must be present within anyone’s relationship for it to work.

If I don’t want something to happen within my relationship, it won’t. If I do, then it will. It is what works for me, what I want to do, certainly not what someone tells me to do. After all, I am in control of myself and my relationship, not some claimed “authority”.

Anyway, it suggested that one of the guidelines is the control and denial of the male orgasm and that it should “always be present” within an FLR.

Should it? Does it have to be?

No. Of course not.

Not if it isn’t what is wanted or required. It does play a big part of many relationships, but it doesn't have to be in every relationship.  It does or would in mine, for me chastity, control and denial is a very important part of such a relationship, but that's a personal choice for me.  Because it works for me. Not because I am told it should be a part of such a dynamic.

There are many who do not want it, many women who do not want that control.  There was a comment on a blog I read only yesterday where a male sub was talking about trying to persuade his very "vanilla wife" to take control and how she was "freaked" out by such suggestions and he asked why?

Why?

Well perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she isn't dominant, she doesn't want to dominate you and she has no desire to do so. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she isn’t interested in wanting to control your cock and your orgasm?

Some people don’t “get it”, for some people TTWD isn’t the things they want to do. And that’s not wrong; it is just how it is. There are many in this situation trying to "persuade" but there is only so much you can do.  You cannot make someone dominant. You cannot make someone dominate, yes you can “lead” or “guide”, but ultimately, we can only be who we are and want to do the things that we want or need to.

I also saw someone ask within a blog if a certain type of relationship were possible.  Someone had answered with a point blank "No". And who are they to say that a certain type of relationship isn't possible?

There are people living the type of relationship that this person claimed couldn't exist.  And it is this which really pisses me off.  It may not be able to exist for them, it doesn't mean that it cannot exist for anyone else.  I wish at times people would say, that "no, for me it doesn't or couldn't work" rather than a "no its not possible".

It is possible.


People live it. 


Just because it doesn't work for that person, doesn't mean it doesn't for others. There are no hard and fast rules.  Anything in reality can exist and probably does for someone somewhere.

There is no one correct way. There isn't a "true" way, and one label doesn't fit all.  In fact, labels can define too much who we are and people then find that they do things to "fit" under that label, trying or forcing themselves to change, to fit under that label instead of being true to who they are.

It is important that we can be who we are, follow the path that we want to, not defined by labels, or being told that what we do is wrong. 

If it works for us it isn't wrong. 

And if something is wrong, if it doesn't work, then you find a way to deal with that and do something else.  Someone else can never be an "authority" on your own needs and wants apart from you. Nobody can ever be an "authority" on your relationship apart from those within it. 

Follow your mind, your heart and what is right for you, because at the end of the day, this is what matters.

My response I ~ "apply"

Welcome to "My response" ~ my responses to contact, whether it be emails, via profiles on IC, CM, FL or others, or via my blog.

Dear how_do_i_apply

You don't! 

Surely you can clearly see from the effort I have put into my profile, of the things I have taken the time to describe and explain of what I would seek and of who I may or may not be compatible with.  And surely, because you have taken the time to carefully read the profile, you would then be able to see that it is far from a case of "applying".

Does my profile suggest that I have a "vacant position" that I am looking to fill? There isn't a "position". 

There is no application.

There is no interview.

There is nothing to apply for. 

Such to me is cold, heartless and empty. Void of anything personal.  We are talking about something which is a potential relationship, something which shares deep commitment, attachment and emotion. Something deeply personal.   Would you upon meeting someone out and about in the bar then turn round and ask them "how do you apply?".  I would hope not. So this is no different!  Although if this is how you do approach things, I can see why you are still searching!

I do not approach an FLR with such thoughts, such coldness or such emptiness.  My initial contact or even contact further down the line will not involve applications or interviews like some formal business arrangement. It starts with getting to know someone, my getting to know you and vice versa.  Just as it would in any other type of environment or any type of relationship.  It starts with someone opening themselves up, as we delve into their depths, and the more we get to know, the more we interact, a submissiveness reacting to my dominance and vice versa again. It develops with both wanting more, a building of interest, desire, hunger.

It builds to much more than that, it becomes so much more than that. It IS so much more than that!!!

So, do how_do_i_apply.  There is nothing to apply for.

Good luck!

(you may need it)

Reflections

Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.
Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.

~Rabindranath Tagore

Sunday just gone would have been my youngest brother's 21st Birthday.  I say would have been because he died when he was just 5 years old. 

It is hard to believe it is that long since he was here, it is even harder to imagine how he would have been as a 21 year old, although due to the illnesses etc that he had, it would never have been likely that he would have lived to that age anyway.  But even then, it is still hard to imagine.

He is buried, just across from where my Mum was laid to rest a couple of years ago.  And we made a visit to the cemetery (as I do most weeks) but particularly on this day to place flowers and to remember.  I talked about him to mini man, of how someone so small, so precious, but touched the lives of so many, in so many different ways. Of his smile, his infectious laugh, but also of the struggles that he faced in the short time that he lived.

I will always remember as we made the journey in the funeral car from home to the cemetery to lay my brother to rest, the old man who was walking along the road, who stood, removed his hat and bowed to the cars as we passed.  I have certain memories in a similar way from the day we laid my mum to rest.  It is strange the things that we remember on days such as this. 

My brother suffered so much physically within his short life.  Medical intervention at times left a lot to be desired.  The ongoing medical negligence case was something that never reached conclusion and was put to rest along with my Mum.  It was something she had fought with and battled for so very long but something that was ended when her own fight against her cancer was lost.

Most people, take for granted the journey they have through life, prepare little,  consider it even less, and most do not think of where that road will ultimately lead.  What makes us take note however of that journey that we make is the people we meet along the way.  Those we live with, work with, those we love and those we lose, those we share times with; good or bad. Family, friends, colleagues, strangers.

It is these people who shape the way we are, they teach us about love, about trust, about joy, they also teach us about loss, about pain and about hurt. 

We learn many of life's lessons from the people who are a part of our lives and often, it is through them that we discover our own strengths, our own weaknesses and all of the things that make us who we are.

Remembering J.
Your love. Your smile.
Beautiful Memories.

You closed the door . . .

So why do you think that it is ok to re-open it when it was your choice to walk out of it in the first place?  What makes you think that?

I wrote a short time ago "live with the door wide open"  about being open to whatever the future may bring, the things it may hold, of allowing that door to be open . . .but I also wrote about how sometimes the doors once they have been shut, should never be re-opened. 

I wonder what makes people think that they should re-open them instead . . .they made the choice of what to do. . . what has changed since then for it to be any different?

So what gives you the right to think that out of the blue, without a by your leave that you come barging right in . . . into a place where they chose not to be .. .where they chose to walk away from. 

Realised what is missing? Realised the what if's or what could have beens? The reality is, nothing has changed.  Not from my part.  THe choice was made, you did what you wanted, so don't come back with "I wish this . . ." or "I wish that . . ."

I really do wonder at times. 

It seems that people can think that they can pick and choose what they do and when they do it, they give absolutely NO thought to the other person, only to their own selfish needs.  

It's like putting something on a shelf, leaving it there gathering dust and then every so often trying to take it down again for a look, just to see, "just in case"

Well don't. 

You had a chance.  You had more than a chance.  You chose to walk away from it.  

And if you read this . . .if you think that this could apply to you . . .then yes, for once . . .it probably does.  The door closed behind you on your way out. It isn't going to re-open.

Fact.

Held

Held in a way . . .we never thought we would.

Felt it in a way . . .we never thought it could.

A perfect moment . . . which we never thought would be.

but knowing that it was . . .

yet knowing that it cannot be . . .

is the hardest thing in the world . . .



Teasing.

He is knelt.

Naked. 

Blindfolded. 

His hands restrained behind his back.  She sits there watching him, taking in every inch of him.  Her mind is drifting to thoughts of hurting him, torturing his beautiful body, tormenting his cock, his nipples; his lips.

She traces in her mind the muscles in his thighs, his chest.  The images of all she wants to do charging through her mind. He moves his head trying to decide where she is, what she is doing.  He has been there for only a short time but his senses are already heightened due to the lack of sight.

She makes him stand and unties his hands before leading him across the room. He has no idea where to, or what his fate is going to be.  The blindfold is still firmly in place and as he stumbles along he grabs onto her as if his life depends on it.  She brings him to a standstill places his arms down to his sides and leaves him standing there.  Even with the blindfold in place she can picture the fear in his eyes, the fear of the unknown.  Something she has seen before when he has been allowed sight.  His cock twitches, his body betraying the desire that the fear brings to him.

She knows he is nervous, she knows that he is unsure, but she also knows that he trusts her, that he places himself safely into her hands, whatever those hands may do to him.

He is left standing there for what seems like eternity, but is minutes only. She smiles at his discomfort, his vulnerability and drinks in the nakedness of his body, imagining herself hurting it, hurting him and knowing that as yet, she cannot go there, that she needs to reign in her sadistic urges.  That she needs to keep the beast caged and away.  She sighs deeply at the thought however and watches as he moves his head to where the noise has come from.

She tells him to get on the bed, helping him back to the edge of it so he can get his bearings slightly.  He does so, lying on his back, and she attaches his cuffs to the top of the bed.  Moving down to secure his feet at the foot of the bed.  As she fastens each one, she takes the moment to tantalise and tease him, placing her mouth gently above his own, yet not quite touching, pulling away if he moves to meet her lips. She traces her tongue and her lips over his over his chin, his neck, his ears, with each gentle touch he shivers, gentle moans come from within him, and his hardening cock is begging to be touched.

She moves over him, sliding her own body across his, enjoying the feel of his skin, of his body beneath hers.  She traces down his body with her nail, digging it and dragging it into the skin, a reddening mark coming to the surface as she moves down the length of his naked body.

He is spread-eagled.

Restrained.

Blindfolded.

And she takes a moment to drink him in, watching his body reacting to the thoughts that are running through his mind, watching him drift, watching him aroused, watching him respond.  And he looks helpless and vulnerable yet strong.  And his vulnerability is breathtaking and beautiful, and his cock is hard and perfect.  And she wants to take him there and then, she wants to hurt him, use him.

But she doesn't.

She moves back over his body, sliding over him, allowing her tongue to trail tenderly over his warm skin, trailing up his inner thighs, along his stomach, but always avoiding his cock which is screaming to be touched.  He tries to manoeuvre so that he can place himself under her tongue and mouth, but she moves quickly away, bringing her hand down as she slaps him, not a slap with force, but one which makes him cry out with surprise. The slap is not enough to hurt him, and neither is it enough to prevent his cock from being hard and erect and longing to be touched.

She moves towards him, bringing her mouth closer to his.  She smiles as he anticipates the kiss that he thinks is coming his way. He knows how much she loves to kiss, of how much she takes with just one kiss, and he loves that she loves it, and he loves to feel the passion growing within her as her lips make contact with his own.  Even though blindfolded he senses where she is, tilting his head to meet her, making his mouth available to her; never knowing if it will be a gentle probing kiss, or one which makes him wince with the pain as her teeth take hold. 

Except this time, she avoids his anticipation, moving her mouth away from him, trailing her nails into his skin, across the tips of his hardened nipples. She flicks them gently at first and then harder, feeling him flinch as the tips of her nails catch the tips of his nipples.  They are red, engorged, and she places her mouth over them as she teases them with her tongue, he was not expecting this and the groan of pleasure escapes from his mouth, reaching up she twists the other nipple between her fingers, his groans of pleasure mixing with groans of pain as she bites and twists and hurts him gently.

She still trails her fingers from her other hand across his body and leaves his nipples wet which harden further when the coolness of the air touches them after she moves her mouth away.  She traces his body with her tongue, down over his chest, across his ribs, over his stomach, his hips.  His cock, just as before, screaming to be touched.

She stops and admires it.

Keeping her eyes upon him watching and gauging his reactions.  She stops tracing her tongue over his hips and without warning licks his cock hard from the head to the base and back to the head again.  His body bucks with surprise, his back arching up to meet her mouth that is firmly around his cock.  The groan that escapes from his mouth clearly audible.  Pressing her self against his legs, grinding upon him, he feels her arousal against his skin, her own arousal and wetness clearly felt. 

She teases him gently with her tongue, watching his arousal build, the pleasure coursing through his body, and as she watches him, she allows her own orgasm to wash over her.  She takes him in her mouth, deep into the back of her throat, her tongue teasing around the shaft and head of the cock as he moans.  She thought about biting him, hurting him, twisting his cock and balls with her hands, but at this moment, she is gentle, tender and soft. 

She lightens her touch further still; holding his cock in one hand, her tongue gently swirling around the head of his hardness, featherlike touches that can only just be felt, and she watches as he tries to arch himself even more to feel more force from her mouth and her tongue. 

She is watching him.

Teasing him. 

Frustrating him. 

Watching the arousal building in his body, his mind floating, the whole of his body sensitive to the lightest of touches.  And he is pleading and begging, and he is moaning and groaning and his breathing is fast and shallow, and his cock is twitching as its close to orgasm.

"It's not all about hurting and pain now is it?" she comments to him.

"No, but you want to hurt me don't you?" he asks tentatively.

She smiles. Returning to the teasing and tormenting of his body, with her tongue and her fingers, thinking that this is going to be fun, she simply says

"Maybe JoJo.  Maybe."

.