17 June 2013

It isn't as easy as it seems . . .

A couple of days ago, I wrote about turning the pages, of how you get to a point when you realise that you're stuck on the same page and have been for a long time.

You get the feeling that you want to turn the page to get to a new bit of the story - to create a new part of the story.

And then there is the conflict - the part of you that wants to rush through the new chapters to see what unfurls.  Not in a rush to reach "the end" because, that's not really a place that you want to rush to ya know?

I mean, you don't want to get to the end, but you do want to turn the pages, for the chapters to happen,  and you want it to happen now, and it isn't happening fast enough or how you want to, and its frustrating - as if the pages are a little stuck together . . .

But while on one hand you want those chapters to fly through, to play out at full speed, the other hand is scared to even look at the title on the next page, scared of reading the first sentence.  Fearful of what it may bring and all of a sudden, the page that you were on, didn't seem so bad at all.

In fact, it felt like home. It felt safe and comfortable and a pretty alright place to be.

And maybe, just maybe, it is better to stay there.

Better to stay in the place which you know, the comfort, the safety of where you were.  Knowing the equilibrium, knowing the balance, knowing of what there was, and what there is.  Not having to step outside of that zone of comfort, not stepping into the new, or the unknown. 

It is a bit like being in a pair of your favourite old boots, knowing that they fit, knowing that they won't pinch or hurt, that you can walk safely in them, that you won't fall on your ass on a slippy path, that they won't let you down because they just "fit".

And yet, turning that new page is like putting on a new pair of heels.

Shoes not yet broken in, shoes which are new, which make you teeter when you walk, that you walk out with trepidation and an uncertainty because you aren't quite sure of your step, just in case you slip over and take a hard fall.  Just in case you hit the ground. Just in case it's all going to go wrong. Or fail. Or hurt.

And taking off those faithful boots isn't easy.

Putting on the new shoes is even harder, because, I mean, it's a risk. Putting them on, in case they hurt, in case you slip, in case you fall - it's a risk ya know.  And it isn't as easy as it seems changing shoes.  It isn't easy taking off the old pair of boots, just as it isn't easy to turn the pages for the new chapters. 

But there is something, just something that makes you wonder, makes you question whether you're ready for a new pair of shoes, whether you're ready for a new chapter, even if you know deep down that you are.  No matter how confident you maybe in yourself, it is a step. A big step.

Taking that step - regardless of how much you want to, need to, desire to or long to!

It isn't as easy as it seems.

1 comment:

  1. This dilemma looks familiar...

    Moving to a new job or not? Moving to another country or not? Or just changing hairstyle or not? I think everybody knows how it feels to fail in this kind of decisions. How it feels both when you fail by deciding to keep as you are, and how it feels when you fail deciding to take the step. Different pains: one is not very sharp, but seems to last forever. The other appears all of a sudden to throw you out of that horse which seemed intended for reaching the biggest dreams.

    And of course, everybody knows how wonderful it is to go for the change and find something even better than your sweetest dreams.

    But while you think, while you try to make the right call, you can't stop dreaming about those new shoes... and moreover you know that if you think for too long, you might not find them in the store anymore. And then you realize how hard it is to take decisions while your dreams are twisting everything!

    Yes, it is not easy to be free.

    But in the end... I am sure you will look great with any couple of shoes or boots you might decide to wear. And you will make them look at their best too :)