21 January 2011

Dismissive or Indifference

The boy will often comment on how dismissive I am.

Dismissive of his feelings, dismissive of his frustrations, his longings, his wants. Dismissive of how long he has been denied for, dismissive of how much he may long for something. 

He is right.

I know that I can be very dismissive.

I know that I AM dismissive. 

But being dismissive isn't the same thing in my opinion as being indifferent.  I may be very dismissive of many things as far as the boy is concerned, but I am not indifferent.

It isn't because I do not care. 

I do. 

Would I do all that I do if I didn't?  Would I waste my time? My energy?
Of course I wouldn't!

The definition of indifference (noun) or Indifferent (adjective) is without care or interest: showing no care or concern for or interest in somebody or something. 

While I may show no concern at the boys feelings, at his frustrations, I do in fact "care", care about how he feels, care about how is feeling, care about how I make him feel. 

There will be times when he will do things and that I will not take a lot of notice of what he is doing, for example, I may have him worship my feet while watching TV or reading, not acknowledging what he is doing. 

This isn't indifference either, because even though I may pay no attention, I do care about what he is doing, I care how he does it, I care that he does it right. Just because I do not choose to acknowledge his actions, that isn't my being indifferent.

Being dismissive is in my opinion so very different than being indifferent. The defintion of dismissive (adjective) or dismiss (transitive verb) is a refusal to consider or give consideration to something.

And that is exactly what I do.

If the boy tells me he is frustrated and I just say "Oh well", it is my refusing to give consideration to those frustrations and ultimately the things that I know he is longing for. 

It isn't because I do not care he is frustrated, it isn't because I do not "care" about the boy. 

I think people often get dismissiveness and indifference confused and that sometimes people bring into the mix the lack of acknowledgement of something to be either someone being dismissive or indifferent.  And I think they are all different things.

I am dismissive of the boy. I am often dismissive of his feelings. But I am not indifferent. 

I DO care.

If I didn't care then my response to him would be very different. 

And it would be more a case of this . .

"May I have permission to do X Mistress ?"
"Do what you want."

"But if I do this, is that ok?"

"May I do this for you"
"Only if you want . . . "

Now that is being indifferent.

Now that is not caring.

To me, if I were to be indifferent, it would be because I didn't care and if I didn't care then I wouldn't be bothered, and such a situation is what leads to the downfall of any relationship. That cannot be bothered situation. That I don't care what you do or what happens. 

But I do care. Care about what happens, what he does and indeed how he does it.  If I didn't care, it wouldn't bother me what the boy did, how he did it, it wouldn't bother me if he did something wrong or didn't listen to instructions and follow them through.  But it DOES bother me. I DO care about all of those things.

And so when the boy mentioned the other night that I seemed to have gotten more strict, that I seemed to not letting the boy get away with anything, that is how it should be.  If I were to let him "get away with it", then that would be my showing indifference.

My showing that I really actually do not care. 

I read a blog somewhere the other day and forgive the fact that I cannot link to it, where the submissive had said "She punishes me because she cares" and that is exactly it. 

If I didn't punish, it would be because I didn't actually care what the boy did, it would be my being indifferent. 

Letting things "go", isn't caring, it isn't showing someone more love or being kinder, it is in reality, letting things slip.

It shows an indifference.

A lack of caring. A lack of concern. 

I don't think "letting things go" within any relationship, but certainly not a D/s or even an FLR relationship is an expression of affection, love, concern, or control.

And it is indifference which is often the start to the downward turn of a relationship, the point when you stop caring is the point where things stop working. It is the point where you just don't give a shit about what happens or in what way.

So, yes, I may be dismissive.

But I am not indifferent.

And if I were.

It would be the end of whatever it was.

And I wouldn't care that it was.

1 comment:

  1. Very interesting! I had never stopped to think and compare those words. But I am glad to be now conscious of the big differences between them. Thanks, Kat.