01 January 2011

Reflections on the old . . .thoughts for the new . . .

The end of a year. 
The beginning of a new. 

A time which has a tendency for reflections of more than just the past twelve months. 

A time which tends to emphasise the bad things that have happened, the losses that have been felt, or the big changes that life may have witnessed.

The end of this year is no different.

Except in some ways, the ending of this year is different for me, in ways I never expected it to be, never thought it would be and certainly never planned it to be.

But then, sometimes, things happen when we least expect, when we are not seeking, or searching or feeling desperate to find.  And as I reflect back upon the year that has past it has been filled with those moments that I will be glad to leave safely in the past year, things that I have no intention of taking forward with me (nor would I want to if given the chance). 

But I also know that this year has brought me something that I really didn't expect, even though I have always known there would be a time when I wuld want to find that one thing that I need within my life, I never thought that I would be going into the new year in the situation that I am.

The boy came along quite unexpectedly. 

And as he said to me last night, he has been surprised at just how well we have gotten along and in some ways, yes, it is probably that way.  To begin with, we were so diverse in our needs and wants in terms of our views and wants from all that is D/s, BDSM, or FLR, but that diversity is what, over most recent weeks has enabled me to know that what I want from a future relationship, is something that can become a reality.

I have known, what I want, for a long time now.  All that I want, desire but more so need.  It has never been a "fantasy" view, I have always known it can be a reality, and I have always said that I would rather not enter into a relationship than to enter into something which fell short of the mark, which didn't meet the needs that I have.  The only real thing stopping that reality being reality was finding someone to share it, who is really at the opposite end of the D/s scale.

While we cannot predict the year that we have now moved into, of what may be, or of what it may bring we can enter into the year with hope.  Hope for what may be.  Hope that there is that chance that the opposite end of that scale has been found. . .

And as such, I have hope for what may come my way. Our way.

And for the first time in several years, that hope exists in a way it hasn't before.

This time of year always makes me think of the losses that have been felt in life, those who are absent, those who have been there but are no longer.  In some ways, they will always be there, but I am here and I am moving into the new with hope and positive thoughts and the reflections on the old are not tinged with the sadness or pain that has often been there.

Losses are still felt.

Difficulties are still a part of what life has thrown our way.

But amongst those is the hope to move forward, taking steps to a reality that I have always known that I wanted and would have, I just never thought that this year, would be that year.

So with thoughts for the new, we have hope . . .

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