Cock envy!

The boy has written in his blog several times about his fantasies in relation to strap ons ~ it even inspired me to write my own blog entry which you can find HERE 

I am not normally inspired a great deal to think about strap ons, let alone to want to write about them or have an "urge" to use one. 

I haven't really been inspired to divulge in them either.

I don't know why. I just haven't.  Strange really when I have such a love for anything "anal", but such is life.  There are other things that I do think of, and that suits me fine.  It doesn't bother me that I am not drawn to something.

I like what I like, when I like. End of.

But, the thought of having a cock, having the potential to hurt, to use, to give pleasure is one that IS appealing. I do like that thought, I know I would like that feeling . . . but, it is the lack of "feeling" that comes (or doesn't come which is more the case) with a strap on, that doesn't make me want to rush out and put one on!

I like to feel the pain or the pleasure I inflict, and what can you feel with a strap on?

There are no nerve endings, no sensitivity, nothing . . .

I don't like the "nothing". 

I don't want the "nothing"

It's like an empty promise, a promise of pleasure, but a pleasure I can never really make happen . . .I want to give pleasure, I want to be able to fuck him and hard, I want to be able to force my way deep into him. 

But, I want to TAKE pleasure too.  

But, the only way I could do that, is by having a cock, not having something strapped on.

Cock envy?

Maybe. 

Yes.

I have so many thoughts, so many visions, so many "desires" of the things I want to force onto the boy.

These thoughts are so damn hot, but also, involve so much more.  Violence. Sexual violence. My being able to get off on forcing him, shoving into him, hurting him and not really caring about him, about anything apart from using him to make me come, using him for my pleasure in the way that I want to.

Men can take pleasure or give pleasure with their cocks, they can make someone get off but against their will, they have the ability to just "use" for their pleasure.  And that is what is so damn hot and that is why I have cock envy!

I want that ability to use the boy for my pleasure.  

I want to be able to use the boy in all of the ways that feature in those dark places within my mind. 

And yes, my mind does take me there, to those dark places, ones of unfeeling use, ones of sexual violence along with no concern for the recipient. And that is what I want, that when I am in those dark places I just want to use him, to use him for my pleasure.  With a complete detachment and no interest for him.  To take no notice of his cries, his screams, his begging.

As my dark thoughts run through the depths of my mind I find myself in darker places, and if I had a real cock.  You know, a real flesh and blood cock, Oh my GOD! I would be using it non-stop. 

I would be forcing it into the boy at any opportunity, at EVERY opportunity. Not just his arse or into his mouth, face fucking him deep into this throat.  No, I'd be using it everywhere, rubbing it everywhere, thrusting it into him deep and hard, making him cry and scream but feeling every single part of it.  Rubbing up against him, between his legs, in his underarms, between his arse cheeks . . .everywhere . . .

And mostly, I would be fucking his arse, stretching him with my long hard cock, hearing him beg for me to stop, filling his arse with the cock and the cum from it.  Forcing my way into his mouth, down into the back of his throat, pulling his head further onto it to make him gag.  Making him cry tears, making him heave.

Pushing him to the ground taking him however I want to, forcing myself onto him, into him, whenever, or however I want.

And the thought is hot!

And the thought turns me on.

But that is what I want, in the depths of the dark places of my mind, but I want to feel it.

And the way I want to feel it.

I will never be able to.

So yes, I have cock envy!